Scales and Tales
by abstow89
Summary: A hilarious story about the lives of different elemental dragons trying to solve their everyday problems one step at a time.
1. Hot Date

**Scales and Tales**

**A/N: Lately, I've been in a dragon mood so I decided to make this fanfic. Basically, it's a story about several different types of dragons going through several different hilarious situations.**

**Warning: Do not read if you are offended by language or toilet humor.**

_Hot Date_

In the midst of the world of Lore, two fully grown male flame dragons were flapping their fiery wings through the clouds. They were roughly over 20 years old (whether this was dragon or human years was unknown) but they were at least…20. They weren't evil dragons like most adventurers figured, but they still liked to mess with the humans every now and then. Mostly, they just pulled pranks amongst one another and talked about their life.

"What do you want to do today Brihart?" asked one of the dragons.

Brihart sighed in a depressed tone. "I don't know. I'm too depressed to think of anything."

"Why? Did that red dragon Kikle break up with you again?"

"That's exactly the problem! I don't know if we broke up or not!"

"What do you mean?"

"Yesterday, when I was with my girlfriend, she said, 'Wow, you have really bad halitosis!' and when I asked my other friend what that means, he said halitosis is a synonym for bad breath!"

Brihart's friend chuckled. "Bad breath huh? Why would you think you have bad breath?"

"Because for the past two weeks people have shouting at me saying, 'Hey! You have really stinky dragon breath!' and other stuff in that manner."

"Well, that sucks."

"What the hell am I gonna do Trel? I'm supposed to be meeting Kikle's parents for dinner tonight! How are they gonna see me if they find out their daughter is falling in love with a dragon who's got bad breath?!"

"Ever thought about brushing your teeth?" laughed Trel.

"Shut up! Y'know, you're the one who ate a churro out of the dung pit for dragons!"

"Rain or shine, dung or no dung, if I see a churro, I'm gonna eat it!"

"Whatever. I think we should go see that wizard Warlic. Maybe he knows of a way to cure dragons' bad breath…or at least he has a breath mint."

"Yeah, I doubt Kikle wants to kiss you again if you still got halitosis."

* * *

"Whoa! What are flame dragons doing on my doorstep?!" questioned Warlic.

"Calm down. We didn't come here to burn Battleon to the ground. We need your help with something very important." said Trel.

"What?"

"Well, my friend Brihart here has a date tonight with her parents joining in and um…he has a touch of halitosis."

"Really? Let me see here…"

Warlic opened Brihart's mouth and gazed upon rows and rows of razor sharp teeth covered in saliva, getting a nice whiff of his bad breath. Brihart exhaled upon Warlic's face which caused him to veer his head backwards and groan with a disgusted look on his face.

"It's not that bad people!" shouted Brihart.

"Yes, it is! What, did you eat a churro out of a pile of dragon dung?"

"Actually that's what my friend did." Brihart pointed out.

"Look, I don't know if there's a potion that can cure your halitosis--"

"I just need it to smell like fruits and peppermints until after tonight. After that, I really don't care how bad my breath is."

"There is one potion that I remember reading about, but if I mix the wrong ingredients at the wrong time, I could make you worse."

Brihart gulped loudly. "How worse?"

"I could turn you into a Glow Worm by mistake."

"Oh God…"

* * *

After waiting several minutes for Warlic to finish mixing his concoctions filled with hundreds of different ingredients, the intelligent wizard appeared from his house covered in black soot and ash, his robe completely filthy. He was coughing violently and trying to get the soot out of his eyes.

"What happened in there?" asked Trel.

"That's what happens when you mix berries with ox hair and Minotaur stomach acid. Anyway, I believe this potion should make your breath smell sweet as a Hybee hive, at least for the next 24 hours."

"Thank you Warlic!"

Brihart guzzled down the bluish-green goo as fast as he could to freshen up his breath quickly. It tasted sour and was thick at the same time. Think of it like drinking ginger ale mixed with honey and sour lime juice. Brihart finished drinking the potion and spat it out of his mouth. Not a single drop of potion was left inside the bottle.

"Okay, you're all set then!"

"Awesome! I gotta go see Kikle and tell her I'm still on for the parent meet tonight!"

Brihart got a running start on the ground before he spread out his wings and began to flap them high into the air, disappearing into the clouds.

"Do you have any churros?" asked Trel.

"…What?"

**Later that night…**

Brihart and his girlfriend Kikle were eating dinner with Kikle's parents. The four fiery dragons were currently eating fried sheep and a side of burnt salamander carcass. Brihart and Kikle loved to eat this dish and her parents had no problem with it either.

"You seem like a charming young dragon." complemented Kikle's mother.

Brihart chuckled, a tad bit discomfited. "Uh…thank you ma'am." replied Brihart.

"Yes, you're a lot better than the other dragons Kikle has dated. Remember the last dragon named Jogan, who always blew his acid breath on our food and burned it up until nothing was left?" said Kikle's father.

Kikle's parents laughed. "Or how about Langtil, that war dragon who always pooped on our faces while we slept?!"

"Yes, mother, I remember." huffed Kikle, annoyed.

"But you, on the other hand, are a very good and polite dragon Brihart. I'm very glad that you're dating my daughter."

Brihart hated how Kikle's parents treated him like a dog that performed a trick just to get some treats, but at least what they were saying were complements. That's a good thing…right?

"Thank you very much sir!" said Brihart, with a little bit of force in his voice.

Like all things that happened to Brihart, all the good things just had to be spoiled by the littlest anatomy. Take this situation for example: Brihart already had a problem with his breath, but just as that problem was resolved, another began to come. Brihart accidentally let loose a low and mildly audible set of flatulence from behind.

(Don't smell it, don't smell it, don't smell it) Brihart kept muttering in his mind.

"Hey, what's that smell?" asked Kikle's mother.

(Damnit!)

"EW! Did someone step on a rotten egg?!" shouted Kikle's father.

"…Sure, let's go with that."

Brihart farted again, this time audible enough for everyone to hear.

"What the hell was that?" yelled Kikle's father.

"I have to talk to your daughter in private!" sputtered Brihart.

"What?"

Brihart dragged Kikle behind a set of trees so they were clear away from the view of Kikle's parents.

"I told you not to eat beans before dinner Brihart!" chastised Kikle.

"I didn't!"

"Then what happened? I thought you only pass gas this much when you're nervous."

Brihart groaned loudly as his stomach gurgled.

"You know how you said I had 'bad halitosis' the last time we met?"

"Yeah."

"I went to go see Warlic and he gave me this potion that made my breath smell fresh and clean again! I'm guessing this potion doesn't digest well cause--"

Kikle walked up to Brihart's face and smelled his breath, only to groan in disgust.

"He didn't fix anything! Your breath still smells like you licked your feet!"

"And now I got gas!"

Brihart held his stomach and let loose a tremendous amount of gas that smelled downright fetid and horrible.

"You gotta take the fall for me."

"What?"

"If your parents think I'm a disgusting dragon who farts a lot, they'll never let me date you! You have to take the fall this time!"

"You want me to say I'm the one who farted?!"

"Not unless you don't love me anymore! And besides, we're almost done with dinner anyways so you should be able to deal with it for a few minutes."

"I know but…farting isn't something female dragons do."

"Just shut up and cover for me!"

Kikle and Brihart returned to the feast. Brihart was trying his hardest to show he didn't have gas or abdominal pain, so he only winced a little bit.

"Well since we're just about done here, is there anything else you'd like to add?" asked Kikle's mom.

Brihart responded by farting loudly and coughing a little bit. Everyone went silent for a long time until Brihart nudged Kikle, forcing her to take the blame.

"Sorry." mumbled Kikle meekly.

"That's rude Kikle! How dare you break wind while you're on a date!" said her mother, appalled.

"It's not my fault you fed me beans for lunch today!" whined Kikle.

Brihart grunted and produced another wet fart from his anus, trying to fan the smell away with his tail. Kikle apologized once again while her parents simply continued to chastise her several times over. Despite the fact the dragons finished their dinner within five minutes, Brihart had farted over ten times, and Kikle had to cover for him.

"It was nice meeting you Brihart. See you later!" said Kikle's father.

Kikle's parents spread their wings and began to fly away into the night sky.

"See? That wasn't too bad, now was it?"

"Shut up Brihart."


	2. Rocky Nourishment

_Rocky Nourishment_

An earth dragon by the name of Carsonlitov was sleeping in a gigantic underground den that housed hundreds if not thousands of other rough scaled reptiles. Like always, earth dragons never liked to be woken up or agitated while they were sleeping and whenever they were, they got very cranky. Especially Carsonlitov. He was somewhat of a bully to the other earth dragons, but they acted just as rowdy as he did, so he was really only a bully to the other types of elemental dragons. Carsonlitov was mumbling and snorting in his sleep, which was gradually getting louder by the minute. All of the other earth dragons were getting annoyed with him and started kicking him in the stomach and nudging him with their tails, hoping that Carsonlitov would stop snoring so loudly.

"Hey, shut up!!" yelled a dragon.

Carsonlitov responded by kicking the dragon in the mouth.

"All right that's it! I'm gonna kick your ass!"

Carsonlitov lifted his tail and farted loud enough to rumble the whole den and cause rocks and stalactites to fall from the roof of the cave. The noise sounded so horrid that the dragon quickly curled back up into a ball and went straight back to sleep. Carsonlitov smiled slyly with his eyes still shut.

* * *

Later that day, Carsonlitov and his whole clan of earth dragons woke up from their slumber and began to walk out of the cave, stretching and yawning. Carsonlitov was surprised to see that his friend Brihart was standing right next to the cave, waiting for him to wake up. He was smiling like always, happy to see Carsonlitov (mostly because he gave him advice).

"How's it goin' Brihart?"

Carsonlitov spoke with a gruff British accent.

"Not so good."

"Why not?"

"I think Kikle hates me now. When we had our little parent meet, I started farting a lot and…I made her take the blame for my outbursts."

"What the 'ell's wrong wit you mate?! You weren't even dragon enough to spit out when you break wind in public?"

"I was on a date! How am I gonna seem attractive if her parents think I'm a fartin' slob?"

"How are you gonna continue to date the bird if you blame her for stuff she didn't do?! Who gives a BURP's arse what her parents think about you mate? If you can't even date her, then there's no real point now is there?"

He meant to say "ass" but his accent kicked in so when he said it, a slurred voice came in. Carsonlitov opened his wide mouth and yawned loudly in Brihart's direction, causing him to groan and hold his nose.

"Whoa, mind aiming your morning breath in the other direction buddy?"

"Says the wanker who just found out what halitosis means!"

Brihart sighed heavily and stared at Carsonlitov with scorn in his eyes.

"Why you always gotta give me such a hard time Carsonlitov?"

"Because I'm an arsehole. Deal with it!!" said Carsonlitov with pride.

**Later that day…**

"Why did I have to come along with you guys just to get food for you?!" whined a rare, green energy dragon.

"Because Gorvl, I'll help you in resurrecting Gravis from that volcano, remember?" said Brihart.

Gorvl scoffed and laughed. "Yeah right! I'll believe that the day you get your breath to smell like cranberries!"

Brihart rolled his eyes. "What's with you dragons and my bad breath?!"

"It stinks; that's the problem mate." said Carsonlitov.

The three different elemental dragons were hiding behind a set of thick trees and long grass like tigers stalking their prey. In fact, that's exactly what they were doing. The three dragons flew to a farm located literally in the middle of nowhere to scare away the farmers and take their food for breakfast. The farm was known to have watermelons and other types of luscious fruits growing on it, as well as ripe tomatoes and corn. All of this was nothing most dragons eat, but that doesn't mean these dragons weren't omnivores.

"Shh! Here they come!" whispered Carsonlitov.

The three dragons camouflaged themselves in the trees and waited for the farmers to walk by carrying giant watermelons and tomatoes as large as their head. They looked very, very ripe and if someone cut one open, Carsonlitov would be overwhelmed by the nice fragrance.

"NOW!!"

The three dragons jumped out the field and blocked the farmers' path with their massive scaly bodies.

"What the hell?!" yelled a farmer.

"Run…away." growled Gorvl in a menacing and deep voice.

Four of the five farmers ran away and dropped all of their supplies, while one brave farmer decided to stay and face the dangerous dragons.

"What? You aren't scared by us?"

"I've seen worse monsters in Darkovia! I can handle a couple of dragons!" said the farmer.

"Is that so?"

Gorvl walked over to the farmer and slowly lifted his right hind leg into the air.

"What are you--?"

Before the farmer could finish, Gorvl sighed contently and started to release the contents in his bladder. The smell of the yellow liquid was atrocious and the bright yellow stain soaked all the way to his skin. The farmer could only scream and shout in protest as he was buried in Gorvl's urine. Later on, the farmer finally realized that he should let the dragons have what they want, so he dropped his package of corn and ran away to his cabin to go take a long bath.

"What the 'ell did you drink Gorvl?!" asked Carsonlitov.

"I can't remember. I just know I haven't been peeing for the past six days, so I feel much better now! Anyway, let's eat!"

The dragons voraciously ate all of the fruits and veggies the farmers left behind, making sure they savored the sweet juices that went down their esophaguses.

"Wow, I never knew what tomatoes tasted like until now! These are great!" shouted Gorvl in a blissful mood.

"Yep. This is where you get the finest fruits this side of Lore." added Carsonlitov.

Gorvl chuckled mischievously to himself. "Hey, Carsonlitov!"

"What?"

Gorvl jumped in front of the earth dragon and belched loudly in his face. Brihart and Gorvl began to laugh heartily while Carsonlitov only groaned and held his nose.

"That's not funny mate!"

"Yes it is!"

Carsonlitov inhaled deeply and burped in the same fashion as Gorvl did. This time, Carsonlitov and Brihart laughed while Gorvl held his nose.

"Oh, so it's a burp contest you want then eh? It's on!"

The green energy dragon and the brown rocky earth dragon continued to burp in each other's faces, veering their heads back and forth everytime they smelled the others breath. Brihart was simply watching the two of them, laughing his scaly flamed ass off. However, after some time, the dragon got bored and decided to join in.

"Hey, check this out!" said Brihart.

Brihart jumped in front of the two dragons and inhaled deeply, ready to burp in the dragons' faces. But instead of burping, the gas in his stomach traveled south and turned into a repulsive fart that smelled horrible. Gorvl and Carsonlitov laughed even harder than Brihart did when he was witnessing the two burping at each other. But at the last second, the dragons sniffed the air again and started groaning instead of laughing.

"Oh my G--"

"EWWW!! What the hell did you eat last night?!" asked Gorvl.

"Oi, that smells like an alpha werewolf when he comes out a Dinozard's arse!"

"God, that smells horrible!"

"It's not that bad guys!" Brihart pointed out.

"I'm getting outta here; I'm about to throw up!" said Gorvl.

"You said it!"

Carsonlitov and Gorvl stretched their wings wide and began to fly as far away as they could from Brihart, leaving him to endure the stench of his own gas.

"IT'S NOT THAT BAD!!!"


	3. The Pranking Administration, part 1

_The Pranking Administration, part 1_

A wind dragon by the name of Bluic was walking across the soft grass of Battleon, relaxing and adventuring throughout the land, looking for something exciting to do. He had already eaten breakfast a few hours ago (after declining Carsonlitov's invite) and currently had nothing to do with his free time. However, he was lucky today; one of his dragon friends named Lilityatz, another wind dragon, flew from the sky to greet him.

"Hey Bluic."

"Hey Lilityatz. Whatcha doin'?"

"…Flying? What else is there to do on a boring day like today?"

"I heard Brihart was going up into the mountains to resurrect that Lava Drake Gravis. Maybe we should go and join him."

"We're not energy dragons Bluic. All we do is fly high and fly fast and break wind like crazy."

"I know, but I just want to go on some sort of adventure today! I just wish something good would happen to me once in a while instead of treading these grass plains over and over day and night!"

"You ever thought about going into the pranking business?"

"…Huh?"

"There's a light dragon that goes by the name of Darsluhisha who's opened up a pranking business in a forest right outside of Lore. Apparently, dragons go there to register a pranking account and receive a prank list."

"Really…? This sounds interesting." said Bluic, getting intrigued.

"Anyway, once you get this list, you have to prank everyone that is on the checklist and get the victim to sign his or her name on the list. Once you return the filled out list to Darsluhisha, you get paid in several pieces of coins and Z-Tokens!"

Bluic smiled with massive bliss, flapping his tail to his left and right. He was a natural pranking machine, playing tricks on his fellow dragon buddies left and right. But now, he had an opportunity to play pranks on humans as well and even get paid for it!

"Wait a second…what's the catch?" asked Bluic.

"Well, many of the dragons receive the same list, so you better hurry up with your pranking or else another dragon may snatch your prize away from you. But lucky for you, you're a wind dragon!"

"How come you never told me this before?"

Lilityatz shrugged. "Just didn't think you were the type of person into that stuff. Besides what do you need money for?"

"Wing repair. Some merchant is charging me 1000 gold pieces to fix my wing by the next two days or else I'll have to fly on this messed up wing forever, and I want to increase my agility in the skies."

"If you say so. Have fun pranking!" said Lilityatz.

* * *

Bluic was standing in line full of different types of elemental dragons of all different shapes and sizes…and all of them were good and ready to prank someone. Bluic was surprised at all the dragons he saw there…Golt the darkness dragon, Kunla the ice dragon, Jiglunzi the gray energy dragon, and many, many others. Bluic was patiently waiting before he entered a shack large enough to house dragons, who were entering one way and exiting another way. After a very long time of waiting, he entered the shack. The dragon standing and squatting by the counter was Darsluhisha, the light dragon. He was standing there elegantly with pride on his face, a rare thing to see on a dragon whose business was dealing with pranking citizens of Lore.

"Welcome to the Pranking Administration." stated Darsluhisha.

"Wow, this place is cool! So you really started a business just so you could prank people?!" asked Bluic with excitement.

"That's right. All you have to do is prank all these people on this list and get it back here in time and I'll give you a heaping sum of gold and Z-tokens."

Darsluhisha snorted several times before he coughed violently and spat out a large clipboard with a few names written on it.

"…I'm gonna totally ignore the fact that this clipboard was in your stomach and simply walk away with it."

"You do that." said Darsluhisha, smiling.

Bluic turn around with the board in your hand just in time to run into a WereDragon by the name of Daxin-Backbreath. He was a real dirty WereDragon with brown fur and scales and hideous yellow teeth and wings. Just saying his name made Bluic retch and nearly vomit.

"Oh, lookie here! If it ain't the ruler of the skies, Bluic!" said Daxin.

Bluic got a real nice whiff of his stinky dragon breath and almost vomited on the floor, holding the remains in his mouth and re-swallowing it.

"Don't start with me Daxin-Backbreath. Oh wait, did I say Backbreath? I meant to say Fartbreath!!" retorted Bluic.

"Sure, we could just sit here and toss corny names at each other to hurt each other's feelings, but today's not that day. See, I've decided to propose a bet to you Bluic."

"What's that?"

"If you prank all the people on your list before I prank all the people on mine, I'll let you prank me with your greatest and most grotesque prank ever! But if I finish before you…"

Daxin-Backbreath laughed evilly before he turned around and broke wind in Bluic's face. Bluic held his nose to avoid the bad smell, but it still seeped into his nostrils. Some of the dragons and even Darsluhisha smelled it and two of the dragons outside flew away because they were too grossed out. It was amazing that Bluic didn't throw up right in front of him.

"And that's just a taste of what I'll give you tonight! Expect to sleep in a pile of WereDragon dung!!"

Daxin-Backbreath laughed evilly again before he ran outside and soared into the skies. Bluic rapidly looked at his list and found the first person, which was a man by the name of Bargi Dodit.

"Okay. Get ready to get a whiff of a wind dragon's ass Bargi!!" said Bluic, just before he flew into the sky.

* * *

Bargi was a blacksmith who owned a small utility shop in the middle of Dragonspine Mountains. He was a fairly built man wearing all brown clothing and had a hammer cradled in his right hand, most likely using it for mining. He was whistling to himself when he suddenly stopped to see this fairly built wind dragon dragging his butt along the grass and moaning like an idiot. Whoever this dragon was, there was something very odd about him.

"Um…hello?" asked Bargi.

"Oh, good, a human! Sir, can you help me here for a minute? I just need one minute of your time, sir." pleaded Bluic.

"…Sure."

"Great! Thanks buddy! Okay, right now, I need you to scratch my butt."

"Wait, what?"

Bluic turned around and revealed his giant bottom to Bargi. Even though it was remotely clean, Bargi could still smell the foul contents lying inside his butt crack.

"Pleeeeaaase? I'll give you a quick ride to your home if you do. I am a wind dragon after all!"

"Well, just as long as you don't sit on me…"

Bargi groaned loudly and stretched his arm next to Bluic's butt. Then he started to scratched his butt extremely hard and fast without looking, hoping that Bluic wouldn't trick him and decided to sit on the guy. Bluic was simply sighing contently with his mouth open, enjoying the scratching sensation.

"Thank you! You've been a great help!"

"Anytime. Now I just gotta wash my hands--"

Bargi grunted when Bluic sat on him and pinned him to the ground.

"You said you weren't going to sit on me!"

"I lied! YOU'VE JUST BEEN PRANKED!!"

Bluic then lifted his tail and started releasing a whole arsenal of stinky wet dragon farts that made Bargi scream and groan repeatedly, trying to block out the stench. But it was no use…Bluic had successfully farted on the blacksmith.

"Alright, Bargi Dodit had been dealt with. Now I only got 14 more names to go."

"Could you please get your stinky dragon hide off of me? Man that stinks!"

"Not until you sign this checklist first. Just jot down your initials real quick."

"Why I do I have to--"

Bluic released another loud fart which made Bargi scurry like a rat caught in a trap, trying his hardest not to inhale the rancid fart.

"Okay, okay! I'll sign it! Just stop farting on me!"

Bluic handed Bargi the checklist and he quickly signed his name on the board.

"Great! That's really great! But before I go…"

Bluic wiggled his butt and finally blew out the loudest of the farts he were just producing, stinking up the whole area with hydrogen-sulfide gas. Bargi screamed loudly and shut his eyes because the rancid gas was seeping into them.

"It burns! What did you eat to make your farts burn and stink this much?!!?"

"Peppers. Really spicy red ones. Anyway, sorry to leave so soon but I'm on a race against my main rival and if I lose I gotta sleep in over 40 pounds of WereDragon dung. Gotta go!"

Bluic jumped into the air and flapped his wings before he began to soar through the sky, finding his next targets.

"Now…who should I prank next?" he asked himself.

**To be continued…**


	4. The Pranking Administration, part 2

_The Pranking Administration, Part 2_

Bluic was flapping his wings hurriedly in the night skies of Lore, panting like a dog who just ran for over 12 hours without taking so much as a five minute break. Over the past several hours, Bluic had been busy pulling hilarious pranks of all sorts on the townsfolk: He urinated on a female warrior, defecated on a wizard with odd blue skin, wiped his butt off using an elf archer, and even sneezed on a Paladin after itching powder was rubbed inside his nostrils. (Sure, his nose itched like crazy, but the person he sneezed on was itching all over his body, which was far worse). Hell, Bluic even managed to pull a prank on Boog and Artix. So now, Bluic only had two more people left to prank. But…why was he so worried if he only had a couple more people to prank?

**Five hours earlier…**

After wiping his butt on the elf archer, Bluic was resting against a tree in the woods of GreenGuard Forest, taking a short breather. Just as he began to fly away, Daxin-Backbreath revealed his filthy dragon hide and landed right in front of Bluic, with flies buzzing around his scalp. Like always, Bluic had to restrain himself from vomiting.

"What do you want now Daxin-Backbreath?" sneered Bluic.

Daxin-backbreath laughed evilly and showed him his list of the people he pranked.

"Just wanted to give you an update, that's all."

Bluic's jaw dropped like an anvil as he was shocked at all the people he already pranked. Daxin-Backbreath only had five more people to go while Bluic still had eight.

"How'd you prank ten people that quickly?!!"

"Because I can fly faster than you and because I'm just better at pranking than you are! Guess you'll be sleeping under my rectum tonight Bluic."

Daxin-Backbreath turned around and stretched out his wings so he could fly back into the sky and resume his pranking adventure.

"Oh and here's a little present from me to you."

Daxin-Backbreath lifted his tail and a large dollop of poop plopped onto the ground, right in front of Bluic. Before Bluic could do anything, Daxin-Backbreath swatted the dollop of poop with his tail like a baseball bat, which flew right on Bluic's nose and splattered all over his face.

"Expect another forty pounds of that for dinner!" laughed Daxin-Backbreath before he flew away, leaving Bluic to sit alone with excrement on his face.

* * *

"Okay, okay. Calm down Bluic, you can do this. It's only two more people and you've already got your trap set up. You can beat that hairy dragon with foul-breath before he beats you."

Bluic was talking to himself in order to put the horrid visions of what would happen should Daxin-Backbreath triumph before Bluic did. Right now, the agile wind dragon was standing over a hole camouflaged with brown leaves and twigs. Inside of this hole, however, was a massive supply of PteraZard excrement. Those flying dinosaur-zard hybrids lay droppings constantly, so it was very easy for Bluic to guide most of them to the hole to do their business. After they finished pooping into the hole, Bluic grabbed mouthfuls of twigs and leaves and covered up the hole very well so the next target wouldn't see the trap. Bluic saw his next victim and yelled out his name.

"HEY!! Hey, Garry! Garry the elf! Get over here!"

Garry was a tall, but stout elf with giant pointy ears and green skin. He was most famously known for his ability to transform inanimate objects into golems with a quick and easy spell he learned from Warlic. He was wearing a black armor suit that looked like it was falling to pieces and was a little too small for him.

"Yeah? What is it?" asked Garry.

"I think someone hid some rubies inside that tree right there! …Don't tell anyone I found them." whispered Bluic.

"HA! Those rubies are mine now!"

Garry jetted forward to the old oak tree…which was right behind the trap that Bluic had set up. Just as Garry was about to touch the tree, he fell through the weak material Bluic created and fell right into the hole, inevitably plummeting into the pile of PteraZard droppings. Garry screamed loudly and quickly swam to the surface of the pool of droppings, screaming wildly and trying to rid himself of the smelly excrement.

"What the hell just happened?!!!?"

"YOU JUST GOT PRANKED!! Now sign this clipboard and I'll drag you out the hole." proposed Bluic.

"Not a chance in hell! You just deliberately drove me to fall into this hole! I'm not signing anything!"

"Fine. Hope you like sleeping in PteraZard droppings. See ya!"

Bluic began to walk away, leaving Garry to reside in the hole.

"WAIT!!! COME BACK!! I'LL SIGN THE CLIPBOARD!"

"That's what I thought you said."

* * *

"Why are you so pissed off at me Kikle?! I didn't know the tickets cost that much!" said Brihart.

Brihart and his girlfriend Kikle were walking through Smoke Mountains, bickering amongst each other.

"I told you how much I wanted to go to the Annual Dragon Flying Competition!"

"I thought the tickets were only 50 coins!"

"Each ticket is worth 100 coins! There are two of us Brihart! 2 times 100 equals 200 coins! Divide that by 2 and it's still 100 coins per ticket!!!"

"Well I'm sorry that I can't just get backstage passes from my friend."

"You're the one who got fired from that job for placing Gorilla glue in the manager's food stash!"

"How was I supposed to know he ate dead Crabees for breakfast?! I put the glue where no one would expect to find it! Really, they aren't even all that tasty."

Kikle huffed loudly and turned her back on Brihart.

"Just forget about it; I'll go with one of my friends, SINCE THEY HAVE MONEY!!"

Brihart sighed heavily when he saw his soon-to-be ex-girlfriend fly away above the smoky volcanoes. It was at this time when Bluic landed right next to Brihart.

"Don't _ever _date anyone smarter than you Bluic."

"Shut up and listen: If I don't prank this guy I have on this clipboard right here, I have to spend the night sleeping under Daxin-Backbreath's ass! I will NOT reside under that noisome beast's ass Brihart; I just WILL NOT!!"

"Sorry Bluic can't help you. I gotta get 200 coins before Kikle gets all pissed at me and breaks up with me."

"Good! If I prank this last guy before Daxin-Backbreath does, I get paid a heaping sum of gold coins and since I need your help, I'll pay you back in return!"

"Well if that the way you put it, I'll help you! …Is this gonna involve my breath?"

"What do you think?"

* * *

"Hey! Hey, dude! Could you help me out here?" asked Bluic.

Bluic and Brihart were in the outskirts of Granemore looking for their next target to prank. The name of Bluic's last target was Danzy Frowgan, and he was a dark knight who was always sheathed inside of his pitch black armor, almost never taking it off. A bunch of people always questioned how he managed to use the bathroom, but they quickly decided not to think so hard about it.

"What does a dragon of your nature require?" the knight asked.

"My friend--he's sick! I think something's stuck inside of his throat!" Bluic lied.

Brihart was lying on his torso on the dirt road, feigning his groans and complaints. He was trying to hack something out of his neck. But it wasn't coming out.

"Don't you think he's choking?" asked Danzy.

"I don't know! That's why I'm asking you to look inside of his mouth! I can't jam my whole hand in there!"

"Alright, alright, I'll check it out."

The knight waited for Brihart to open his mouth before he got on his knees and began to crawl on his moist tongue.

"Eugh…you dragon friend has a bad case of halitosis." moaned the knight.

"HOW CAN YOU SMELL THAT!!? YOU'RE BURIED IN A SUIT OF ARMOR!!" screamed Brihart with his mouth still open.

The knight ignored him and continued to travel into his mouth, arriving at his uvula. Danzy saw a metal object latched onto it and he pulled it off, wiping the saliva from it. Danzy crooked his head left when he saw a weird message on it that read, "YOU GOT PRANKED!!" in giant bold red letters.

"What the--"

Brihart unexpectedly burped on the knight so hard that he was launched back to his tongue.

"That's has gotta be the worst thing I've ever smelled!"

"Right, whatever. Now sign this clipboard so you don't have to smell my friend's malodorous breath anymore."

"Anything you say; just get me outta here!" yelled Danzy.

Danzy quickly scribbled his signature on the clipboard and Bluic took it with his mouth, stuffing the clipboard underneath his tongue so it wouldn't fall off his back.

"YES! I'm done! Now I just gotta get back to Darsluhisha before that stink sack does." said Bluic.

"Let's go!" said Brihart, accidentally closing his mouth.

Danzy screamed in a muffled way before Brihart made a loud gulp and swallowed the knight. Bluic gasped dramatically when he saw a huge lump travel down the flame dragon's esophagus.

"What?"

"DANZY!!"

Brihart's eyes grew wide when he realized that he just devoured the dark knight whole, prompting him to say, "Oh shit. I'm in trouble."

* * *

"Too late wind dragon! I already turned my check list in!" sneered Daxin-Backbreath.

Bluic grabbed his head with both of his claws and shouted out, "NOOOOOOOOO!!!!"

"Heh, heh, heh!! So what would you rather do: Sleep under my butt or get pooped on by me and my little clan of WereDragons???"

"HEY, WAIT!!" shouted Darsluhisha.

"What?" asked Daxin-Backbreath, extremely aggravated.

"One of these entries in invalid! You made one of the victims sign his name twice!"

Daxin-Backbreath laughed meekly and said, "No, it's not! Now give me the board so I can destroy the evidence."

"I'm an expert on signature identification. One of these has been duplicated!"

Daxin-Backbreath sighed, defeated. "So what? I still got more pranks than Bluic here!"

"No you didn't! At the very bottom of the list was a bonus target written in tiny handwriting. You didn't prank that guy but Bluic did. Besides, whoever cheats in the pranking business is automatically declined from completing the contract, making it invalid. Therefore, Bluic is the one who gets the money."

Daxin-Backbreath squealed loudly and turned around to look at Bluic and Brihart, who were smiling devilishly at the foul-smelling WereDragon.

"Go get the dung pit ready."

* * *

Daxin-Backbreath screamed loudly when he was shoved down a hole and splashed into a smelly pile of green and brown dragon dung. A bunch of other dragons, like Gorvl, Brihart, and Carsonlitov were all looking into the pit, laughing their butts off.

"You think this bothers me? I sleep on my own piles of dung every night! This is nothing!"

"Yeah, I'd figure you'd say that, so that's why I got all my dragon friends to eat prunes and some laxatives a few hours ago."

"WHAT!!?"

"You may like resting in your own dung…but how would you like sleeping under someone else's?!" said Bluic.

Bluic and the other dragons turned around so their tails and bottoms were positioned right above the hole. It was like Daxin-Backbreath was stuck inside a toilet…and six dragons were about to use the same one at the same time.

"Let it rip Bluic!" chuckled Carsonlitov.

Bluic lifted his tail and started passing gas, just before a large glob of pooped was expelled from his rectum. Daxin-Backbreath unfortunately had his mouth open and it hit him right on the jaw and tongue.

"THAT'S WHAT YOU GET FOR SWATTING POOP ON MY FACE!!!"

"AND THIS IS FOR BITING ME ON THE TAIL!!" yelled Gorvl.

He too grunted and wiggled his butt in order to enable the excrement to fall from his anus and onto Daxin-Backbreath.

"AN' THIS…well, I'm just doin' this cause it's funny!!"

Carsonlitov had to lift one of his legs before the flatulence and crap came out, but when it did come out, it came out in large chunks that literally hurt Daxin-Backbreath when they hit him on the cranium. (He was an earth dragon, so his poop was probably hard as stone).

Brihart didn't even say anything; he just farted loudly and released his load, sighing heavily afterwards. Although, the gang was a little baffled when they saw a knight in dark armor scurry out the hole and run away screaming.

"So that's what happened to Danzy…" mumbled Bluic.

From there on out, the dragons kept taking turns farting and defecating into the hole, hitting Daxin-Backbreath with bigger clumps of poop every time. The WereDragon tried to fly out, but the poop was too thick; it ruptured his wings to the point where he couldn't even swim to the surface. After pooping for nearly 20 to 30 minutes, Daxin-Backbreath was so tired from struggling to get out that he stopped trying. In fact, he tried so hard that he fell asleep. Looks like Daxin-Backbreath was the one sleeping in excrement tonight…

"That was fun Bluic! Hope we get to do it again the next time he pisses us off!" said Gorvl.

"Yes, because I actually learned something important today: Revenge is a dish best served stinky!"


	5. Formula 29

_Formula 29_

It was a normal day in the city of Granemore and everything was peaceful at the moment. A few soldiers were walking in the city limits while others were outside the gate of Granemore, guarding it from intruders. Although, the guards were also bored in Granemore…just sitting there blocking a gate that was near impenetrable. But then again, The Mutant King might conjure some horrible abomination to try and destroy the town once again.

"God, this is so boring. Did I ever tell you how boring it is just standing here guarding this city from adventurers who aren't even hostile?"

"Will you stop talking about how boring this job is and just stand there in peace?! If anything, you should be happy; we're getting paid in gold just to stand and guard this giant gate."

The two knight guards stopped talking when they saw something flicker in the distance, presumably something shiny.

"Hey, what's that?" asked one knight.

"Dunno. I think it's a--"

The knight grunted softly when something impaled him in the neck. It was an arrow dipped with fluids that could subdued a rhyno if it hit the right location. The arrow wasn't lethal, and frankly, wasn't meant to be. The knight groaned and fell flat on his face, landing right in a pile of mud.

"What the--"

A mysterious blue powder puffed out of nowhere and surrounded the other knight around his head. The knight coughed violently for a few seconds before he succumbed to the knockout gas.

"All right, set up the ladder!" said a mysterious voice.

It turns out that a horde of Orcs were the ones who knocked out the two knights, all of whom were being lead by an Orc general named G'Orc Farz. Unlike normal Orc generals, his armor was blue instead of grey and his brown clothing underneath the armor was black, not brown. In fact, his whole crew was wearing blue material, including his Orc archers and Orc mages. About 20 Orcs were in the herd and the crew was most known for their ability of robbing from major cities. They were nothing but common bandits basically.

An Orc mage tried to perform a magical spell, but it backfired and wound up bursting a bush into flames instead of lifting up the ladder.

"Damnit! Why is it so hard to lift stuff?!" yelled the orc in frustration.

"Don't worry about it. We'll just lift it ourselves." said G'Orc.

G'Orc and some of his Orc archers grabbed a large brown ladder and set it at an angle against the walls of Granemore. Then all of the orcs got onto the ladder and quickly scuttled to the top of it. All of the orcs had their eyes set on one sole target: Boog's Tavern.

* * *

Boog and some of the other residents inside of the tavern were talking to each other and making light conversation. All of a sudden, the doors were busted down by a powerful force: one of G'Orc's footsoldiers. All of the green skinned burly creatures burst into the tavern with lightning speed. Some of the occupants screamed and began to panic while others just put their hands in the air, already aware of what was about to happen. Everybody in the tavern knew about G'Orc and his gang and was pretty sure that he was there to rob everyone. Except for Boog and the bartender, no one else bothered putting up a fight. Boog tried to swat one of the orcs with his rare ninja-like sword, but one of G'Orc's orc wizards blinded him with a light spell, temporarily disabling him. The bartender was hit with another arrow dipped with tranquilizer fluid.

"Shut up!! Everybody just shut the hell up!!" yelled an orc archer.

Everybody quickly shut their traps and stopped shouting.

"Thanks Florc. Now…let's make this pure and simple: Everyone put the money in the sack and no one gets hurt." declared G'Orc.

"What if we don't want to give you the money?" asked a cocky civilian.

Florc shot an arrow into his eye…a very pointy, but short arrow. The civilian didn't die, but he was screaming like an idiot and holding his frequently bleeding eye.

"Anymore questions?"

Everyone else in the tavern willingly agreed and threw all of their gold coins, Z-tokens, and any other sort of rich valuable they owned into the sack, which gradually increased in diameter.

"All right then. Thanks to all you fine beings for letting me 'borrow' your riches yet again. See you later!" chuckled G'Orc.

G'Orc and his comrades ran outside the tavern and escaped Granemore before anybody could stop the gang from doing everything. Everyone was left angry and agitated at the orcs.

* * *

After the encounter with the orcs, some of Lore's senior members had a clandestine meeting at a secure location, trying to figure out how they could deal with the deadly orcs.

"What are we supposed to do? Just wait for these orcs to stop robbing people and let the fire burn itself out?" asked Artix.

"How's about we go hunting for any orcs we can find, since they've been known to train dragons to do their evil deeds?" asked Galanoth.

"…Do you really want to defeat these orcs or do you just want to slay more dragons?" asked Artix.

"…Slay dragons." said Galanoth meekly.

"Why don't we find out what G'Orc and his minions are planning on doing next?" suggested a Guardian Dragon.

"How would we do that? We can't just waltz up to his men and say, 'Hey! Tell us who you're gonna rob tomorrow!' now can we?"

"True, you humans can't, but I can. According to what you just said, these orcs are recruiting dragons to fuel their army. I volunteer to go undercover with these orcs to find out their next plan."

"What happens if G'Orc realizes your plan?" asked Robina.

"I'm a friggin' Guardian Dragon! You really think a few thug orcs will stop me?"

"Just be careful; I hear this guy single-handedly slayed a whole clan of plasma dragons."

"Don't worry about it! I'll be fine!" assured the Guardian Dragon.

* * *

The Guardian Dragon was cautiously walking into GreenGuard Forest, looking for G'Orc and his band of thieves. Although it wasn't generally hard to find them because G'Orc and his gang were celebrating and partying around a small campfire, acting like a bunch of morons. The orcs were tossing their jewels into the air, singing old folk songs off-key, and a bunch of other miscellaneous activities.

"Just stick to the plan Melzar…just stick to the plan." said the Guardian Dragon to himself.

The Guardian Dragon walked into the middle of the crowd and interrupted the whole party. Everybody took their weapons and aimed it at Melzar, thinking he was a hostile.

"Hey! Who the hell are you?! No one informed us of anymore dragons signing up for recruitment!" said an orc mage.

"Relax…we're all friends here, right? Besides I'm just looking for some job opportunities."

"Opportunities?"

"I heard about that little robbery you did in Granemore and to be honest…I'm very impressed by it. Yet your little posse here still has major faults to it so I came here to help."

"Is that so?" said G'Orc.

The orc general commanded his comrades to lower their weapons and they began to ease up on the bulky green dragon.

"Think about it G'Orc! If the people you're trying to rob see a powerful, menacing dragon such as myself then you won't even need to hold anyone hostage. Hell, you don't even have to do anything; I can just get all the treasures and riches for you!"

G'Orc smiled to himself and started to rub his chin. The deal that Melzar was proposing sounded like a grand idea indeed, especially since he no longer had to do anything. All of his troops could just sit back and relax while Melzar did all the work.

"You do know I have other dragons I hold under my command?" asked G'Orc.

"Get rid of them. All you need is me right now."

"Okay. Hortz! Release the dragon; we don't need them anymore."

An orc wizard responded to G'Orc and ran off deeper into the forest to get rid of the captured dragons. The orc general continued to chat with Melzar and introduced his next set of plans.

"Since you're my new errand dragon, how's about I tell you what my next plan is?"

"Sure."

"We found this supply of castor beans and plan to replace it with the food supply of normal beans. I tried to rob one town not too long ago and it ended with me losing three of my men."

"So you're gonna poison them with ricin?"

"Yeah! Isn't that great?!"

"Um…sure."

(Holy crap! They're gonna kill all those people with that supply of beans! I gotta make an excuse so I can get away and warn Warlic.) thought Melzar.

"Well you'll have to excuse me right now I have to…go…claw some fur…"

"What????"

"See ya!"

Melzar quickly flew away, leaving the confused orc to scratch his head.

* * *

Warlic, Gorvl, and Melzar were standing outside in a concealed area brewing up some odd potion inside one of his large crock-pots. Melzar needed to find a way to get back at G'Orc before they poisoned the small town and killed everyone…and he had a very hilarious way of doing so.

"All right Warlic. What ingredients do we need for this spell to work?"

"Let's see…zard grapes…"

Melzar picked up two vines of green and purple striped grapes and threw them into the pot filled with boiling water.

"Spicy reef corals…"

Gorvl grabbed a large bushel of coral and chucked it into the pot, coughing violently when the coral exploded into powder. The potion began to bubble and suddenly turned red.

"A few garbanzo beans for flavor--"

"Why the hell would anyone drink this in the first place?" asked Gorvl.

"That's not the point! If the potion tastes nasty, then I'm pretty sure the orcs won't swallow it now will they?" Warlic pointed out.

The green energy dragon picked up a mouthful of beans and spat it out into the pot, watching it bubble some more.

"And finally…some zesty orange ranch sauce."

"For taste?" asked Melzar.

"No, that's what makes this potion tick actually."

Warlic grabbed a contained full of orange sauce and squirted the whole bottle inside of the potion, covering his nose after the contents were released.

"How do you humans stand this stuff?!" asked Gorvl.

"Hey, I hate the smell just as much as you dragons do."

"Are we done making this already?" asked Melzar.

"Not quite. I need you and Gorvl to blow your breath into the potion and then it'll be ready for G'Orc."

"Okay."

Melzar and Gorvl inhaled and the two different elemental dragons blew their breath into the potion (Gorvl had electric breath and Melzar had his rocky earth breath). The potion exploded once again and turned into a faint bluish-orange color. The smell of the foul sauce went away and now the potion smelled like mustard and grilled steak.

"Mmm! That smells so good!" said Gorvl, about to slurp up some of the potion.

"DON'T DO THAT!! Remember what this potion is for, okay?" said Warlic.

"Oh…right. It's gonna suck when those orcs eat it, right?"

Melzar laughed. "Why do you think I wanted to make it?"

* * *

Melzar was standing outside of the forest with a bunch of pedestrians who have been robber by the G'Orc and his thugs, reassuring them that they'd be able to get their stuff back soon enough.

"Just wait a few minutes and you'll be able to get your money and jewels back, okay?"

"I hope so. I gotta wear a eye patch now cause of that orc Florc!" said the irritated civilian who was shot in the eye.

Melzar strolled into the forest with a plate full of beefy sandwiches and cheese in his mouth. Warlic was sure he poured the potion on each individual sandwich to give it a little flavor…and to put their plan into motion. G'Orc and his troops saw the large dragon and greeted him gratefully.

"Hey, what's this? You brought us sandwiches?" asked an orc foot soldier.

"Yep! They're 'special' sandwiches with a 'special' sauce placed underneath the meat. It tastes really good; you guys should try it!"

G'Orc and his orcs snatched the sandwiches and ravenously began to devour the meaty and zesty meals in a matter of minutes. Some of them didn't even chew their sandwiches; they just scarfed the whole thing into their mouths.

"Wow that was good! What kind of sauce did you use for these?"

"I'll tell you in another 30 seconds." said Melzar, smiling.

So G'Orc and his orcs stood there for another 30 seconds before one of them finally asked the smiling Melzar, "What are we waiting for?"

Everyone turned around to see an orc mage suddenly groan slightly and then saw an orc archer hold his stomach and spit out a huge wad of saliva. Pretty soon, everybody was clutching their tummy and standing with their mouths open, as if they were about to scream. Although pretty soon, G'Orc let go of his stomach and screamed in horrible pain…just before he started farting and defecating in his armor. In fact, all of the orcs were yelling and crapping their trousers with intense force, unable to control their bowel movements. All of the orcs fell to the ground with no more feeling in their legs. Melzar was lying on his back laughing hysterically.

"All right guys! You can come get your stuff!" yelled Melzar.

All of the people who had been robbed rushed into the forest before they quickly retracted themselves and stepped backwards, groaning and holding their noses.

"Whoa! What did you do Melzar?!" asked Boog.

"I went to Warlic last night and told him about the current situation and I suggested to him about this cool idea for a potion. See, the first thing it does is it expands your anus sphincters and speeds up the digestion process in your stomach. After that, the potion temporarily causes your leg muscles to stop working and paralyzes you from the waist down. Basically, Warlic, Gorvl and I created a beefy liquid laxative."

"Wow…that's uh…that's disgusting Melzar." said Boog.

"But effective." said Melzar, smiling again.

Boog and the rest of the civilians tip-toed over the orcs defecating their blue clothing, which was now turning brown. All of them were still jolting around, farting and excreting a diarrhea-like waste material, which was literally seeping down to their knees. Everyone was surprised they didn't step into any of it and managed to get their stolen goods back in one piece. But the last thing that was taken away was a pack of toilet paper.

"Wait, wait!!"

"Please…just give us the toilet paper!" demanded Florc.

All of the orcs looked at Boog and continued to plead to him for the toilet paper in order to wipe themselves off.

"Are you gonna continue your robbing spree?! Are you gonna continue striking fear into the townspeople or not?!"

"NO!! We'll be good for now on! I swear! Now just give me the goddamn toilet paper!!" said G'Orc.

"Well, since you said please."

Boog chucked the toilet paper at the orcs and walked away with Melzar.

"I don't get it Melzar. Why didn't you just kick their asses?"

"Why kick their ass when I can humiliate them by making stuff come out of their ass at the wrong time?"

"…Yeah, that's a lot worse."


	6. Zapetite

_Zap-etite_

About a day had passed since the little incident involving the orcs and so far, everything was once again peaceful in Lore. No current events had been brought into place and everything was…boring. It was getting very, very boring all of a sudden. Especially for Gorvl; he still hadn't been able to figure out a way to resurrect Gravis yet, so he was stuck doing his "chores" for his family. Right now, Gorvl was eating breakfast with his parents; a large pile of electrified altoads they hunted down in No Man's Land. It was actually very tasty, despite how ugly and slimy the toad abominations were.

"So Gorvl, anything interesting happen yesterday?" asked Gorvl's mother, Massic.

She was a blue plasma dragon and Gorvl's father, Zaporaton, was a bulky yellow energy dragon. This would explain why their offspring turned out to be a rare green energy dragon instead of another yellow one.

"I got to see a bunch of Orcs shit themselves so that was pretty fun." smiled Gorvl.

"GORVL!!" shouted Massic.

"What?"

"What did we say about swearing while eating son?" asked Zaporaton.

Gorvl sighed exasperatedly. "That there's no swearing aloud at the dinner table…or the lunch or breakfast table…or at all."

"Exactly."

"Well anyway, G'Orc and all of his warriors kept robbing people from Granemore and other places in Lore, so Artix and a bunch of other high Lore members decided to strike back at them and sent this Guardian Dragon to solve the problem."

"What'd he do?"

"He got Warlic and me to brew some really weird potion that acts like a liquidized laxative and them we dumped it on these sandwiches and gave it to G'Orc and his troops and…well I'm pretty sure you can figure it out from there." laughed Gorvl.

Gorvl and his parents gobbled up another chunk of electrified altoads, chewing them with satisfaction.

"Speaking of orcs, I gotta meet this orc archer named Gaz-hort later today for some electrical business." said Zaporaton.

"What does that mean?" asked Massic.

"Honey you know I'm a contractor who wanders around Lore looking for anyone who requests the need for energy dragons. How else do you think I keep getting so many Z-Tokens everyday?"

"I thought you sell stuff in that bay in Lolosia?"

"I used to, but a bunch of Hydra's kept eating it before the customer got it, so what's the point?"

"What kind of business is Gaz-hort involved in?"

"Eh, I dunno. Electricity and stuff."

"Hey, can I come? I got nothing better to do today." asked Gorvl.

"Sure! I could use a helping hand right now."

Just as Gorvl was about to get another mouthful of altoads, he accidentally farted loudly next to his parents. While Gorvl and his father simply laughed at the amusing noise, Massic groaned and started chastising her son.

"GORVL!!"

"Aw, come on Mom! Like you've never passed gas after eating!"

"What did I say about breaking wind when you're not sleeping?"

Gorvl sighed exasperatedly. "Say 'excuse me' to show courtesy."

"That's right."

"Come on honey! The boy's just maturing! He's showing off his 'manly' side!" said Zaporaton.

"Yeah. You show your 'manly' side while we're sleeping in the cave. Maybe that explains why we don't have sex anymore."

Zaporaton chuckled to himself and hiked up his right hind leg so that he too could break wind like his son did. Only this one was more audible and had a fetid smell to it. Both Gorvl and his father were rolling on the ground laughing like a bunch of morons while Massic was plugging her nose.

"I see where you get your charms son."

* * *

Zaporaton and Gorvl were walking along the sandy dunes in Skraeling Desert, looking for the orc archer named Gaz-hort.

"Dad did you step in something?" asked Gorvl.

"No. Why?"

"Cause ever since I started walking with you I've had this strong odor enter my nostrils and it seems to be coming from your feet."

Zaporaton looked down and sniffed his feet several times, snorting and flaring his massive nostrils.

"I don't smell anything."

Gorvl decided to take his own whiff and sniffed his father's feet only once before he retracted his head and retched loudly, sticking out his tongue as though he was trying to hack up a hairball.

"Dad they smell like a wolverine after it rolled around in sweat and ass musk! When's the last time you washed them?!?"

"HEY! What'd your mother say about language?"

"That's not the point; your feet reek!"

"All fatherly dragons have malodorous feet. Just as my buddy Daxin-Backbreath."

"Dad that flying fart-cloud sleeps in his own dung and eats it for breakfast. Why are you even friends with the guy? He bit me on my tail!"

"And then you threw him in a dragon dung pit and took a shit on him so you're even now."

"HA!! Now you're the one using language Dad!"

"Oh shut up! I'm older than you and I'm allowed to use language."

"So you don't mind if I tell Mom when we get back?"

"…Fine. I'll stop swearing."

* * *

Zaporaton and his son reached their objective in the middle of the desert and saw Gaz-hort and a few other creatures standing next to a broken down machine that looked like it had recently burned out.

"Yo Gaz-hort! What's up with the motor?" asked Zaporaton.

Gaz-hort grumbled loudly and held his head.

"It went out! AGAIN!!!"

"Again? Didn't I charge it up two days ago with my breath?"

"Yeah--it went back out again!"

"Why does this keep happening?! I'm so sick and tired of running back and forth just to blow some lightning breath on this power source!"

"Maybe you should try the Chunk-a-Stuff Pops." advised Gorvl.

"Son I really doubt that'll help us right now."

"Wait, what's Chunk-a-Stuff?" asked the orc archer.

"During certain seasons of the year, we energy dragons can consume a large quantity of food and digest it so that it becomes electrified. Before the nutrients travel through our intestines, we regurgitate our stomach and expel the food we ate from our mouths."

"That sounds…gross."

"Yeah! But don't touch the upchucked food or else you'll electrocute yourself. The food is literally that shocking."

"Hmm…this might work out after all. Could you perform your little stunt and upchuck on this motor so I can power up the hidden orc base lying in the sands around here?"

"Which is no longer a secret anymore…" snickered Gorvl.

Gaz-hort kicked the sand in frustration and shouted out, "DAMNIT!!"

"I'll get right on this Chunk-a-Stuff move pretty soon Gaz-hort so don't you worry. My son and I will get that motor up and running again!"

"Cool. And one last thing…"

"What?"

"Go soak your feet in some lavender shampoo! I swear they smell like a giant zombie and an undead paladin if they had a baby and the baby fell into a pit of dinozard droppings!"

Zaporaton sniffed his feet again with a questionable look on his face.

"You sure it's my feet that stink?"

"How's about we ask the orcs who are either unconscious or throwing up?" asked Gorvl.

* * *

Gorvl and Zaporaton were flying through the skies of Lore, looking for something energized that Gorvl's father could eat so he could perform the Chunk-a-Stuff move.

"Okay Dad, what do you feel like eating today?"

"I've never eaten a Zzott before and some of my friends say it tastes like oriental noodles."

"Yeah. Zzott's are delicious!"

"Hey, I think I see one right down there!"

Gorvl and Zaporaton soared down from the clouds and landed next to a Zzott that was attacking a Paladin.

"Damn jellyfish that breathes air! Leave me alone!!" yelled the paladin, who was swatting his Undead axe of the Sun.

Just around this time, Zaporaton swooped down and opened up his large mouth to chomp down on the Zzott by its spherical gelatin head first. The Zzott flittered its tentacles like crazy to try and get out of the energy dragon's mouth, but it was no use. Zaporaton slurped up the monster like a wet noodle and swallowed so hard that the Paladin saw a lump flow down Zaporaton's throat.

"Whew!! Thanks dragon! I thought that Zzott was gonna eat me for sure!"

"…How does a Zzott eat people?"

The Paladin shrugged. "I dunno."

"Right. Well, you're welcome anyway. See ya!"

Just as Zaporaton was about to fly away, the Paladin started to flare his nostrils.

"Hey do you smell something weird? Like a dead WereDragon combined with an alpha dracowolf's breath?"

Zaporaton sighed exasperatedly. "This is gonna be a long day…"

* * *

"Alright, what next Pop?" asked Gorvl.

Zaporaton sniffed the air loudly and licked his lips after he caught wind of another energy monster that would satisfy his hunger.

"You feel like eatin' some zeels son?"

"Sure! I could munch on a zeel or two…or twelve."

And so Zaporaton and Gorvl gradually stopped flapping their wings so that they could descend to an ice field that was occupied with a couple of purple zeels resting on the sheets of ice. Gorvl and his father slowly began to creep around the sleeping energy monsters, looking for the biggest one that would fill a hole in their stomachs. That's when Zaporaton found a giant elite zeel and started to gaze at the sleeping beast. It was snoring away and snorting every now and then, dreaming of wonderful things that were virtually true, but later turned out to be a nonevent when it woke up.

"Okay Dad, you need to do this very slowly or else--"

Gorvl's father ignored him and instantly began to chomp down on the massive zeel head first. He ate half of it within two bites and finished eating the whole creature after he took the third.

"…Nevermind."

* * *

Zaporaton belched loudly before he hiccupped and started flying again.

"You think we should go power up that motor now? I think you're gonna barf Dad."

"URRRPP!! It's just gas son. I think that zeel isn't reacting to my bowels well. Besides, I need to go eat some death worms."

"Right. So um…you want to go eat death worms? Like assassin worms that kill people in forest treetops?"

"What's the matter son? Scared?" taunted Zaporaton.

"NO! No but…those worms inject their victims with poison like snakes. You have any idea how retarded it'll look if two energy dragons like us are assassinated by a goddamn invertebrate?!"

"HEY!! Watch your mouth!"

Gorvl grumbled and started swearing under his breath as the two dragons zoomed down to a spooky looking forest populated with earth abominations and demon trees. It actually freaked out Gorvl, witnessing a tree that could move and attack people. The last thing he wanted was to stand next to a giant tree that would suddenly start to strangle him.

"See? It's not so bad now is it?"

"S-Sure Dad. What-whatever you say." said Gorvl meekly.

That's when Gorvl screamed when two giant death worms shot out of a tree canopy and nearly injected him with darkness poison. But just at the last second, his father rescued him by biting down on the two worms and slurping them from the canopy in the same style as he did the zzott. Zaporaton chewed the succulent worms and savored all the juices with satisfaction before he swallowed hard and belched out loud.

"Alright. We're done here. I just got one more place I gotta go to and we'll be done for the day."

"Good. This place is starting to creep--"

Gorvl screamed when a tree branch bushed up against his throat as he was walking backwards.

"AAAAHHHH!! DAD! THE TREE'S TRYING TO KILL ME! THE TREE'S TRYING TO KILL ME!!!"

"You idiot! That's not a demon tree; it's a regular tree!"

Gorvl turned around to see that he was standing in front of a normal, safe tree.

"…I knew that."

* * *

Zaporaton and Gorvl were standing in a small town looking for some sort of energy monster that they could eat so that Zaporaton could perform the Chunk-a-Stuff move. Of course, all the monsters that Gorvl's father ate were really starting to mess with his bowels, giving him frequent gas expulsions.

"Dad are you sure you're all right?" asked Gorvl.

"URP! Ergh…I'm--HIC!--I'm fine."

Zaporaton held his stomach and lifted his tail so he could break wind. Zaporaton fanned the smell away, but he was pretty sure some of the townspeople already smelt it.

"Hey dragon! Looks like you got some indigestion." said a wandering vagrant.

"Gee when'd you figure that out? After I farted on your face?"

"No need to be a smart-ass. I was only asking because I'm a traveling entrepreneur who deals with medical situations, especially when it involves digestive issues."

"All I need is something electric and I'll be fine."

"I got this baby ZapZard. Should help zap any bugs in your belly after you consume it."

"Cool."

The entrepreneur tossed the tiny energy zard into the energy dragon's mouth and waited for him to swallow the creature before hiccupping again.

"Thanks."

"Anytime."

The entrepreneur sniffed twice before holding his nose, backing away from Zaporaton's malodorous feet.

"Anyone else smell something like a Minotaur's colon combined with a dead Werebat and a Yeti's butt?"

"When will you people stop comparing my foot odor to something that died?!!?"

* * *

Gorvl and Zaporaton returned to Skraeling Desert to find Gaz-hort and his orcs standing next to the still disabled motor, waiting for Zaporaton to power it back up.

"Are you ready? Our little HQ is still inoperable and we need that dragon vomit now!" said Gaz-hort.

"It's not vomit! It's upchuck!" Gorvl pointed out.

"Whatever. Just power up the motor so we can get the machines in our base working okay?"

"Alright."

Zaporaton started coughing and groaning just before he started hawking and stretching his body like a yawning dog. That's when he began to hawk violently with a weird expression on his face. It was kind of like a cat with a hairball stuck in his throat. Actually, that's pretty much what it was. Only it was a dragon with digested food in his throat. Zaporaton started retching and he puffed up his cheeks to prevent himself from vomiting on the sand. Zaporaton moved to a tube on the motor and opened his mouth to release the electric components. An egg-like substance with yellow and blue chucks inside it crawled out of Zaporaton's mouth like jelly from a pipe, slowly plopping into the tube and sliding down it. It looked absolutely grotesque.

"EWW!! That came out of your mouth?!!" said Gaz-hort.

"Would you prefer seeing it come out his ass?"

"WHAT'D I SAY ABOUT LANGUAGE!!?" yelled Zaporaton, shortly before he started upchucking again.

After expelling digested energy food from his mouth, the motor became operable once again and the "hidden" base's machines began to turn on and work yet again.

"Thanks Zaporaton! Here's your cash!" said Gaz-hort, tossing the dragon a bag full of gold.

"No problem."

"But uh seriously…you need to soak your feet in lavender shampoo. They stink like hell man!"

"Yeah. They smell like a vampire lord after he's worked out for seven hours!" said an orc mage.

"HA HA! Yeah! Or a salamander when it gets covered in water!" laughed another orc archer.

"No, you wanna know what his feet smell like?" asked an orc general.

"What?" asked Gaz-hort.

"Those socks you have that you wore for 10 weeks straight and still haven't washed!"

"Oh yeeeaaah! Those are my lucky socks!"

"You stepped in twelve different kinds of dung in those socks Gaz-hort!"

All of the orcs were laughing hysterically as they continued to make fun of Zaporaton's horrible foot odor. Zaporaton sighed exasperatedly.

"This isn't gonna stop is it son?"

"No it is not."


	7. Butt of the Joke

_Butt of the Joke_

It was now nighttime in the world of Lore, which was precisely the perfect time fore Gorvl to sneak out of his cave and away from his parents. Gorvl walked away from the cave before he got to a great enough distance and began to fly into the air. The green energy dragon was flapping his way to a giant rock spire in the shape of a dragon's head. Inside of this spire was where Gravis had been slain, and chances were, his body was still there. Gorvl landed at the mouth of the spire and looked left and right to make sure no other dragons were eavesdropping or spying on him. When he was sure nobody was behind him, Gorvl crept through the mouth and entered the spire. The heat of the lava and the smell of brimstone filled his nostrils. Gorvl was thankful he wasn't an ice dragon or he'd probably melt.

The inside of the spire was like a volcano and even had a whole lake full of lava bubbling and spewing from the ground, as though it were about to erupt. But lucky for them, it was only magma and was only lethal should anybody step inside it.

"So guys, how's the resurrection coming along?" asked Gorvl, talking to some more dragons.

A couple of energy dragons were standing next to Gravis' corpse breathing their electric breath upon his chest.

"Not so good. Everytime we keep bringing him back to life he keeps dying on us! Maybe we should let the guy stay dead."

"That's no fun! This is the only time I'll ever meet a Lava Drake like this guy and it'd be a blast to hang out with him."

"Yeah, that's true. I heard this dragon was famous all throughout Lore! Didn't he save Yulgar that one time his hotel caught on fire?"

"…I thought he was the one who started the fire?" said another energy dragon.

"I can't remember; it was too long ago."

"This is why I want to wake him up! I wanna know all the grand adventures he went on and hear of all the crazy things he did!"

"Well, we can't do it without Brihart or Ditto now, can we?" asked a muddy brown energy dragon named Caludart.

"Yeah, you're right. Let's go get him."

* * *

Elsewhere inside the spire, Brihart and his girlfriends Kikle were quietly relaxing in a spa filled with a mildly heated magma substance. It was just like a Jacuzzi and even had all of the bubbles to show it. But unfortunately, only really brave fire dragons could rest in this relaxing pool without dissolving into a puddle of their own body. Brihart sighed contently and shifted his way to his girlfriend, nudging her in the shoulder.

"You relaxed baby?"

"Gotta hand it to you Brihart, this is a pretty comfortable hot volcano spring."

"Yeeeaaahh…it's so comfortable…"

Brihart was getting a little over the top at this point. He was lying so far back in the magma spring that his feet were showing at the rim of the lava, revealing his pointy toenails.

"BRIHART!!!" yelled Gorvl, who was flapping his way to the flame dragon.

"What? Can't you see we're trying to relax here?!" yelled Brihart.

"Yeah, I don't care. Remember when I said we were gonna go and try to resurrect Gravis?"

"You're doing that now? I thought you said you'd wait until tomorrow!"

"My parents are already asleep so I said, 'What the hell, how's about I just go now?' and I snuck out of our cave."

"Just give me another five minutes…" said Brihart, shutting his eyes as though he were about to go to sleep.

Gorvl sighed and stood on his hind legs. He then told Kikle to get out of the Jacuzzi and fly away before he began to do his unusually disgusting habit. Gorvl began to urinate in the magma and on Brihart's face, coercing him to get out of the lava. Brihart opened his eyes and shouted in disgust when he saw the green dragon peeing into the pool.

"Alright, alright! I'm going!"

* * *

"So how's it goin' guys?" asked Gorvl, observing his friends and their attempts at bringing the Lava Drake back to life.

"Making progress. Stop that! I said it first! No you didn't!!" said Ditto.

Ditto was a duodragon, or a green dragon with two heads and only one body.

"Will you guys stop arguing for two seconds and help me perform CPR? I think I'm at the brink of bringing him back to life!" said Brihart.

Brihart was pressing his hands on Gravis' chest, trying to resuscitate him by any means necessary.

"You're doing it wrong Brihart! You gotta use your tail!" commanded Caludart.

"What?"

"See? Watch."

Caludart walked over to Gravis and turned around so that his tail was resting upon Gravis' chest.

"One, two, three! One, two, three!" said Caludart, banging his tail on Gravis' chest.

Brihart put his head next to his chest to try and see if he Gravis was breathing or not. Unfortunately, he was still unconscious.

"Give it one more try Caludart!" commanded Brihart.

"Okay! One--"

After Caludart shouted out one and pounded his tail on Gravis' chest, his heart flew out of his mouth due to too much pressure being exerted on his belly.

"Oops." said Caludart meekly.

"WHAT DID YOU JUST DO?!!!?" screamed Gorvl.

Caludart quickly ran over to the heart and picked it up with his hands.

"I got it, I got it, I got it, I got it!!"

The energy dragon then proceeded to shove the bloody organ into Gravis' mouth, forcing him to swallow it.

"See? No biggie!"

Gorvl groaned loudly and said, "Let me try and figure this out."

He walked over to Gravis and examined his body, checking to see that he still wasn't dead (thanks to Caludart). But Gorvl was in luck today, because the Lava Drake was still alive.

"Okay if I breathe my lightning breath on Gravis enough, maybe he'll wake back up."

"What do you want us to do until then?" asked Caludart.

"Just…stand there! I don't want you ruining anything again!"

And so, a bunch of energy dragons, as well as Brihart and Ditto were simply standing there watching Gorvl shoot tons of electricity from his mouth.

"Hey, I don't remember meeting you guys before! What's your name?" asked Brihart.

"MY NAME'S DITTO!! No that's your name! No it's not! Stop that!" complained the Ditto heads.

"Together we are Ditto, but alone I'm Karmine--" said the left Ditto head.

"And I'm Baronak!" interrupted the right Ditto head.

"Shut up Baronak. He was obviously talking to me!"

"No, he wasn't."

"Yes, he was."

"No, he wasn't!"

"Yes, he was!"

"Will everyone just shut their mouths so I can do this thing?! God, you guys are so annoying!!" yelled Gorvl.

"He started it!" said the Ditto heads in unison.

"Right, well let's finish it and talk about something else."

"Yeah. I've always wanted to have two heads. Y'know, so the other could give me advice and stuff. I could breathe lightning in two different directions!" said Caludart.

"No you can't." said the Ditto heads in unison again.

"Each head has their own--" started Karmine.

"--movement on their side of the body. I control the right side and--"

"--I control the left."

"There's not much of an advantage of between having two heads unless the other head is smarter than you are."

"Are you saying I'm dumb Karmine?" asked Baronak.

"No, I'm saying you're not smart!"

"Oh, okay then. …HEY! Wait just one darn second!"

"SHUT UP!! I'm trying to concentrate!" yelled Gorvl.

Everyone quickly stopped talking and resumed watching Gorvl breathe his lightning breath upon Gravis' body. But the sound of nothing but lava bubbling and lightning zapping a dragon's body got a tad bit…boring. So Caludart started to talk once again.

"Are there any downsides to having two heads?"

Both dragon heads groaned in unison and said, "WE ONLY HAVE ONE BODY!"

"Why that a bad thing?"

"Think about it: two heads, one body? One leg per head and one arm per head, but _one _body for _both _heads." said Karmine.

"Yeah, that also means one stomach and one ass! I like eating corn and tortilla shells whilst Karmine here eats--"

"--Three bean chili with some sausage on the side." finished Karmine.

All of the other dragons groaned at the thought.

"You guys must be breaking wind like crazy in your sleep!!" laughed Brihart.

"No, it's either me or Baronak here! I tell you, he farted so much last night I almost threw up!"

"That couldn't have been me! I was sleeping like a baby."

"It smelled like stale bread and mushrooms."

"How does the smell of stale bread and mushroom make you wanna throw up?" asked Brihart.

"It only stinks when it comes out his ass!"

"We both have the same ass dumbass!" Baronak pointed out.

"Yeah, well we both have different smelling farts, so therefore we have different asses!"

"Heh heh! Ass…" laughed Caludart.

"What about you Karmine?! Everytime you fart at night after chowing down on some beans and tacos I gotta stick my head in the ground like a friggin' ostrich! That's how bad your farts smell!" yelled Baronak.

"Shut up Asshole."

"You shut up Butt BURP!"

"You Asshat!"

"Dung-for-Brains!"

"Dude your horns stink! Wanna know why?"

"Why?"

"THEY'RE ASS HORNS!!"

"Oh, shut up Assbreath!"

"HA! Assbreath! Cause his breath smells like ass!" laughed Caludart.

"You guys are so funny!!"

"Your breath smells like ass!" said Baronak and Karmine.

"No, _you're _breath smells like ass! Caludart!!" shouted Ditto.

"What?"

"Which one of us has Assbreath? It's Baronak right?"

"No, it's Karmine!"

"HERE! SMELL!!" said the heads in unison again.

Both dragon heads exhaled their breath right into Caludart's nostrils, causing him to groan and hold his nose in detest.

"So which is it?"

"Ugh…I'd rather not say, but I think it's both of you."

"HA! I WAS RIGHT!! NO YOU WEREN'T!! ADMIT IT! YOU LOST!!" said both Baronak and Karmine.

"Well, this is fairly entertaining." muttered Brihart while smiling.

"You punk ass!" yelled Karmine.

"Bitch ass!"

"You punk ass…bitch ass…ASS!!" said Caludart.

"Damnit will you guys stop being so asinine?!" pleaded Gorvl.

But mentioning the word "asinine" only caused the dragons to hoot with laughter.

"Now you got me doin' it! You guys are such asses!"

"YOU SAID IT AGAIN!!" yelled Brihart.

"You sons of--"

Just as Gorvl was about to curse out the dragons, Gravis roared out a gigantic stream of fire from his mouth. Gorvl had successfully resurrected the Lava Drake.

"I LIIIIIVEEE!!!" roared Gravis.

"Cool! I brought a dragon back to life!" said Gorvl, hopping up and down like a rabid dog.

"Where is Limkragg?! What happened to the dragon that was supposed to help me with world domination? Where's the Great Elder Dragon Limkragg?!!?"

"I don't know how long it's been, but um…Limkragg's dead. The whole dragon war ended a while back dude. You've been dead for several years now."

"WHHAAATT!!? But what about my dragon army I spawned just for Limkragg himself?!"

"Hey, we could be part of your army!" volunteered Gorvl, wagging his tail happily.

The distraught Lava Drake stared at all of the dragons who, as far as he could tell, were nowhere near physically fit to join his army. Gravis walked up to the Duodragon Ditto and started talking to them, interrupting their "ass" battle.

"YOU!! I demand you tell me your names!"

"Just wait one second. My adolescent brother here is about to get a taste of my ass blast!" yelled Karmine.

"What?"

Karmine lifted his hind leg and let loose a powerful expulsion of rotten flatulence, which was slowly starting to stink up the spire.

"UGH!! Karmine!" yelled Caludart.

"Smell it!" yelled Karmine.

"No!"

"If you don't sniff my fart I'll chomp your neck off right now!!" threatened Karmine, placing his open mouth dangerously close to Baronak's head.

Baronak, with no other option, jerked his head around and began to sniff his own rear end, inhaling the foul odor of Karmine's fart. He gagged loudly and almost put his head in the dirt again, but he needed to remember that his life was on the line.

"Now who's the one with ass breath?!"

"I am!"

"I can't hear you!!"

"I HAVE ASS BREATH!!!" cried Baronak.

Karmine laughed heartily before he said, "Okay, you can stop inhaling now."

Baronak turned around and exhaled loudly and started to pant, with Gravis looking at Ditto with a confused face.

"…You dragons are weird…"

"We're not weird! WE'RE DITTO!!" said the dragon heads in unison.


	8. Just a Picnic, part 1

_Just a Picnic, part 1_

"DAMNIT!!"

When you hear a green dragon appear from nowhere and scream, "DAMNIT!" it's never good news.

"What is it Gorvl?" asked Brihart.

"We're having a stupid family picnic thing tomorrow! Man, I hate these stupid reunions!"

"Why?" asked Caludart.

"My family's insane or asinine…or assholes…or disgusting; one of those four."

"Brihart's all of those things and you still hang out with him."

"See, the different is, I'm not related to Brihart. All the dragons that are coming tomorrow have some form of relation to me. Even the dragons who just come to drink a barrel of rum!"

"How does a random dragon who does nothing but drink rum related to you?" asked Brihart.

"I don't know but my grandfather will make up some BS story to explain it all!"

"So the old fart blabs ya family history. What's so bad about that?" asked Carsonlitov.

"By the time he finishes its winter."

"Aren't you stretchin' the truth a little?"

"No. The last reunion we had, he blabbed so long that it started snowing."

"You know how random the weather is." said Caludart.

"WE WERE IN THE DESERT!!"

Everyone chuckled to themselves.

"Well, what else is wrong with your family?" asked Brihart.

"My Tiresome Terrible Triples. I got these three cousins, Icky, Blicky, and Diky, who always either annoy the shit outta me--I mean that literally--or play Fudge Thuds."

Brihart and Carsonlitov laughed while Caludart stared at Gorvl with a blank expression.

"Ah, the good ol' days! I remember playing Fudge Thuds wit me uncle! I won everytime!"

"What's Fudge Thuds?" asked Caludart.

All of the other dragons groaned exasperatedly and shouted, "YOU NEVER PLAYED FUDGE THUDS!!?!?"

"…No." responded Caludart meekly.

"It's the best childhood game EVER!! You eat a bunch of brownies with laxatives--"

"I think Caludart can find out on his own. Anyways, my cousins are all only 6 years old, but they stink like a pile of your dung Brihart."

"HEY!"

"Everytime they play Fudge Thuds I always have to change their diapers!"

"Um…what is Fudge Thuds again?"

"And when they're not playing Fudge Thuds, they're either farting and trying to see how long it takes for me or my other family members to smell it or having dung-ball fights!"

"EEEWWW!!!" said all the other dragons.

"Yeah, ew. Somehow, I'm always the one who has to clean up after those three."

"Just those three alone would screw up my family reunion!!" laughed Brihart.

"Hey, why do they wear diapers?" asked Carsonlitov.

"They got this intestinal disorder…"

"Oh, I get it. Yuck."

"And then there's my Uncle Dafnel, who's got red stripes on his snout; he always finds a way to either tease me or make me look like an idiot and my Dad doesn't even notice! Last year, I tried to make him walk into a pit of mildew and King BURP spit, but somehow, _I _wound up in the pit! I saw him walk right over the damn thing and nothing happened! But when I stepped over it SPLAT!!"

"Wow, I think you should go to therapy."

"Shut up Caludart!"

Gorvl sat down and sighed heavily.

"What am I gonna do?"

"I suggest you bring a gasmask, less you wanna smell your cousins' wind."

"What if you guys came with me? I'm pretty sure you could spice up the place!" advised Caludart.

"Hey, yeah! We'd be a knockout at your reunion! Plus, you know that ogre Gram-slyt?" asked Brihart.

"That fat giant blue ogre who always picks his nose and flings it at people and wears that ripped up loin cloth that barely covers his ass crack? Yeah, invite him over too! My cousins should have loads of fun with that guy!" agreed Gorvl.

"Cool! We get to crash a family reunion! It's just like Weddin' Crashers!"

"Don't you mean Dragon Crashers?" asked Caludart.

"Whatever."

"And one more thing…" started Caludart.

"What?"

"WHAT THE HELL IS FUDGE THUDS!!!?"

* * *

And so, a day later, Gorvl and his family flew to an abandoned forest on an uncharted island located near the home of the Paxia Clans…and the recently deceased Carnax. It was this secret hideout that was designed especially for dragons, but other creatures like Zards and Centocor's where there too. Right now, the island was filled with yellow (or green; some dragons had the same condition as Gorvl) energy dragons and light blue plasma dragons. All of the adult dragons were having light conversations or telling jokes whilst the young and baby energy dragons were playing with each other or playing pranks.

"Dad, why do we have to come here again?" asked Gorvl.

"Because it's been a while since you've seen your family and you need to get in touch with your relatives!"

"But they always treat Mom like sh…crap. I don't understand why your family's so pissed off that she married you."

"Your father's parents wanted him to marry some slutty dragon--"

"She was not a slut!!" interrupted Zaporaton.

"--instead of me. I guess they're a little peeved at me all of a sudden."

Gorvl and his parents looked around the park when they saw Zaporaton's brother and sister. Both of them spotted Zaporaton and shouted with joy, happy to see their brother. They flew straight towards him and gave him a hug.

"Hey, Zaporaton! How's my old Scallywag of a brother doin'?!" asked his brother.

He sniffed the air twice before saying, "I see you still got that foot odor!"

"Yeah, yeah, we get it Adilon."

"What's up Aunt Passak?" asked Gorvl, waving his hand at his aunt.

Passak greeted Gorvl like she always does, pinching the living daylights out of his cheeks.

"I can't believe you still have those stubby little cheeks! You are so cute!"

"OW! Can you stop destroying my face?"

Passak let go of his cheeks and glared at Massic, taking the smile off her face.

"Massic."

"Passak."

Both of them sounded coolly at each other, but Gorvl could already tell how stressed they were deep down inside.

"So how's about we go meet all of your cousins and relatives in the main field? Icky, Blicky and Diky have been dying to play with you!" asked Adilon.

"I don't think I should--"

"Aw, come on! I insist!" said Adilon, dragging Gorvl away by his hand.

Gorvl groaned.

* * *

Meanwhile, Brihart and his crew were standing at the edge of the park ready to disrupt the tranquil picnic and party. With Gram-slyt on their side, they'd be able to bring down the festival in no time.

"Hey Gram, what are you gonna do at the party?" asked Caludart.

Gram-slyt is a titan sized blue ogre with almost no hair on his scalp. He was wearing a loin cloth with a cheetah pattern on the front end, but nothing on the back. The loin cloth merely covered his genitals and his penis; nothing more or less. His bare ass was exposed for everyone to see. Gram-slyt was known for being lazy and gassy, two combinations you don't want to see within an ogre. He never takes baths or brushes his teeth and he somehow finds a way to make _anything_ either stinky or gross. Brihart witnessed this when Gram-slyt placed a frogzard up his butt and pooped it out an hour later…so he could eat it.

"Eh, the usual. I'll just find some food to eat…some dragons to poop on."

"Maybe you should run around with your loin cloth torn off. I bet that'll be a sight for sore eyes!"

"Last time I did that, you went blind for two days."

"Fine! I'll wear goggles!"

Gram shrugged. "All right."

And so, Gram-slyt, Brihart, Caludart, and Carsonlitov made their way into the park and began to bash up the party…just as they were interrupted by Gorvl and his grandfather.

"Back in my day, Adilon would always find a way to get his education and never skipped school and…HEY! Who are all you guys? I don't remember you bein' a part of this family!" said Gorvl's granddad.

"I'm uh…Gorvl's long lost cousin…twice removed." said Brihart.

"Right and I'm…Adilon's step-son's cousin's…uncle."

"Really? You're Greginon's uncle?"

"Yes…Greginon…I know that name…" said Caludart uneasily.

"My name's Erzon. I was that bloke who got your Pops outta that sticky situation back in the war." said Carsonlitov.

"You saved my father from those ebil Moglins?!"

"Uh…let's go wit that."

"Come! We have lots to talk about Sir Erzon!"

Carsonlitov gulped loudly when Gorvl's grandfather began to drag him away, talking relentlessly.

"You know, I'm surprised your granddad didn't even notice me." said Gram-slyt.

"He's got really bad eyesight. Hope you guys have fun!"

Gram-slyt responded by farting loudly and scratching his right butt cheek, laughing as he saw the disgusted faces his dragon friends made.

"Try not to stink up the place too much; if Brihart blows his fire breath, I don't want so much methane in the air that we all explode and die."

"No promises!!" laughed Gram-slyt, walking away and letting loose another rancid fart.

"C'mon Brihart! Let's go see who we can mess with!" said Caludart, flying away with Brihart.

* * *

Gram-slyt walked up to a green energy dragon who was standing idly next to a wall, drinking from a large keg of rum. Gram sighed heavily and patted his stout belly twice, before he began to talk to the dragon.

"Hey."

"Hey."

"Is that a keg of rum? …I love rum."

"Sure. Take a sip if you want to. There's plenty to go around!"

Gram-slyt grabbed a giant keg of sweet, malt-filled rum and started to guzzle the whole barrel down, ignoring that a huge portion of it was spilling all over his face and stomach. Gram-slyt put down the barrel and sighed contently, before farting in a squeaky tone and hiccupping.

"Ew! Say excuse me!" said the green dragon, holding his nose.

"Oh, shut your mouth. It was just a little bit of gas! Everyone does it!"

Gram-slyt bent over in a slurred manner and stuck his butt into the air, passing another great accumulation of nasty gas. The green energy dragon swore he saw a funky yellowish-green cloud seep out the ogre's butt. Gram-slyt sighed lazily again and swished his belly around with his hands.

"Sorry--HIC!--rum makes me a little…gassy. And--HIC!--And sluggish…"

"…Dude, are you drunk?"

* * *

"YAAAAAYY!!!" cried a shrill voice from beyond Gorvl's view.

Gorvl turned around and was tackled by three short, but still pretty big yellow energy dragons wearing diapers. It was his six year old cousins, Icky, Blicky, and Diky.

"Hi Icky. How's your brother's doing?" said Gorvl in a strained voice.

"Hey, it's cousin Gorvl! Tell us a story!"

"Yeah, tell us! I wanna hear more cool adventures from cousin Gorvl!"

"C'mon! Tell us!"

"Tell us!"

"Tell us!!!"

"GET! OFF! OF! ME!" shouted Gorvl.

The yellow diapered dragons hopped off of Gorvl.

"Sorry for yelling, but you were crushing my trachea."

The Tiresome Terrible Triplets laughed in unison and said, "We don't know what that means!"

Gorvl sighed. "It's this organ in your neck…"

Gorvl looked at the dragons and realized they weren't paying attention, so he swayed off the subject.

"Um…you guys wanna play a game?"

* * *

Meanwhile, Gram-slyt was still drinking barrels filled with rum and farting around the green energy dragon, who was covering his nose. Gram threw down a barrel of rum and shattered it into a bunch of wooden planks.

"UUURRRRRRPPP!!! Oh, my bad."

Gram-slyt waved his hand in front of his mouth to fan the sour belch away.

"My breath--HIC!--my breath doesn't stink too…bad, do it?"

"Yeah! It smells horrible!"

"HA HA HA HA!! You know what? I--HIC!--I like you man…like a lot…HIC! You scales…it's so--HIC!--rough and…rough. URP!"

"…I'm walking away now…" said the dragon.

* * *

"NO! We are not playing Fudge Thuds again Icky! The last time--"

"Aw, c'mon cousin Gorvl! That was only a little bit of poop! I never meant to throw it at your face--"

"Look, I love you Icky--"

"HEY!!" yelled Blicky and Diky in unison.

"And you Blicky and you Diky, but I'm really tired of your mom making me change your diapers after you poop all in them."

"Don't worry cousin Gorvl! We won't make a giant mess in them like last time."

"Okay, that's good. At least--WAIT! You already started?!!?"

The triplets laughed mischievously. "We already ate the laxative brownies and all the beans and meat we could stuff in our bellies!!"

Gorvl groaned loudly.

"Ready? GO!!" said the triplets in unison.

All three of them started grunting very hard with their eyes shut and their teeth gritting. The overall objective of the game was to see who could poop first. Vulgar one might say, but dragons love to play this game for some very comical reason. The triplets love to see Gorvl change their stinky diapers and sometimes, they'd get other adults to change their diapers for them. So basically, they could poop all they wanted without getting in trouble.

"Looks…like I'm gonna win…Blicky." said Diky, groaning.

Blicky farted loudly. "You smell that and tell me I'm not gonna win this time!"

Blicky and Diky were grunting so hard it almost hurt. Gorvl could only watch as his two cousins grunted and farted continuously until they would inevitably poop their diapers. Suddenly, Icky lifted his tail and blew out a fart so loud it rumbled his diapers. Icky sighed and laughed to himself.

"I WON!"

The other two cousins groaned depressingly and stopped groaning.

"I made the fudgie! I made the fudgie!" said Icky in a sing-song tone.

"Okay, you pooped first Icky. You can stop now!" said Gorvl.

"Hee Hee! Trust me Gorvl, this is gonna take a while!" said Icky, pooping in his diaper some more.

* * *

Gram-slyt was still drinking himself away with the rum, swaying so much he almost fell over and crushed a few dragons. Gram held his stomach and broke wind right in a dragon's face, knocking her out with his stinky yellow gas.

"Ergh…rum is--HIC!--drunk...stomach--HIC!--WHEW!! Feels like…"

Gram-slyt held his stomach and heard his colon grow so loudly that he saw it rumble like an earthquake.

"Feels like…I gotta take a shit. Oh God, I gotta take a shit right now!!"

Gram-slyt ran as fast as he could to a dragon restroom, farting so much that he left a small trail of poop on the ground. When he kicked open the door of the restroom, he saw a bunch of dragons sitting on modern-day like toilets, defecating into them. All of a sudden, Gram-slyt ripped off his loin cloth and sat down on a toilet, not caring that his privates were showing. It didn't disgust the dragons much…at least not until he started to poop. Gram-slyt sighed loudly and let a colossal amount of farts and ogre dung fly right out of his anal sphincter, pooping like there was no tomorrow. The dragons, appalled and grossed out by the grotesque noises and the horrible smell, flew out the bathroom screaming and holding their nostrils.

"Ahhhhh, that's better!"

Gram-slyt wiggled his butt a little and realized something was very uncomfortable. He shifted his butt side to side squeezing the obstruction lodged on the toilet seat down into the bowl. Too bad he didn't realize the obstruction was Gorvl's uncle, Adilon. After Adilon fell through the toilet he was pooping on, Gram continued to lay waste into the toilet bowl, sighing at his satisfaction.

* * *

Two hours later, Gram-slyt was sleeping…naked and still on the toilet. He had his mouth open, drool seeping down his face, his tongue hanging out. It looked disgusting, especially with all the flies buzzing around him. Suddenly, the toilet began to talk…

"HEY! Can someone help me?" asked Adilon, who was still in the toilet Gram-slyt was sitting on.

**To be continued…**


	9. Just a Picnic, part 2

_Just a Picnic, part 2_

After talking with a few dragons, Brihart walked over to the bathroom holding his stomach, longing to use the latrines.

"OOH…that's the last time I eat cashews mixed with key lime pie!" said Brihart.

The flame dragon groaned and entered the bathroom, only to veer his head backwards and plug his nose when he faced a horrible smell.

"Did someone die in here?! Geez, it smells worse than a Centocor after it falls in Lizator spit!"

Brihart cautiously entered the stinky bathroom looking for a toilet and just as he was about to sit down, he found his pudgy ogre friend sitting on the toilet, snoring and passing gas. He was also still naked, but Brihart made sure he shut his eyes when he walked over to his body. The flame dragon inhaled deeply and blew his fiery breath onto his belly, forcing the blue titan to jolt awake. Gram-slyt gibbered while shaking his head and smacked his lips twice, yawning afterwards and leaning off the toilet.

"Wha…what happened? I remember having to take this massive crap, then as I begun to use the bathroom, everything went black…" said Gram-slyt.

"You went on another bender and collapsed in your own pile of dung."

Gram-slyt shook his head again and rubbed his greasy scalp, yawning again with spit all over his teeth. It wasn't something attractive or hygienic you'd want to see everyday, but then again, he was an ogre.

"All right, well I'm up now, so let's go."

"Gram-slyt looked down and noticed his loin cloth was nowhere to be found.

"Dude, where's my loin cloth?"

Gram-slyt shouts when something pushes him in the butt and he falls flat on his stomach. Adilon was screaming and breathing heavily and he erupted from the toilet bowel drenched in Gram's excrement. Over half his scales were brown and reeked like yesterday's pile of dog crap.

"Never…again. That's the last time I use the public restroom!" declared Adilon.

"Oops! Sorry dude…I didn't know you were in there."

"You sat on me and forced my whole damn body inside!! Then you started pooping by the gallons; I almost drowned! God, everyone's gonna know I almost died cause I drowned in ogre crap!"

"Look I said I was--"

"NO! It's not cool dude! It's NOT COOL!!" said Adilon, stomping outside leaving a trail of dung infested dragon footprints.

"…Can you put the loin cloth back on now?" asked Brihart.

* * *

After evading the incessant chatter of Gorvl's antique grandfather, he flew away from him and found Gorvl standing next to his cousins, trying to figure out what to do with them.

"God, you know how much yakkin' your father does? I swear I couldn't get the elder bloke to stop talkin' for one second!" said the irritated earth dragon.

Carsonlitov shouts loudly when he felt something painful scratch him on the foot. He looked down and saw that Diky scratching against his foot like a kitten of doom. Noticing the large diaper he was wearing, Carsonlitov assumed that this must've been one of Gorvl's rowdy cousins. Diky struggled hard to flap his wings to Carsonlitov's view before giggling to himself.

"Well hi there lil dragon! What's your name?" said Carsonlitov in a baby voice.

Diky responded by belching loudly and blowing his breath into Carsonlitov's face, laughing as he watched him groan and cover his nostrils. The adolescent dragon then flew away and disappeared beyond the crowd of energy dragons.

"Yeah, 'ello to yous to!"

Gorvl turned around after bumping into Carsonlitov and sighed with heavily relief.

"Thank God you're here. I need your help man. See this guy?" asked Gorvl, holding up Icky.

"HI!!" said Icky, waving his left hand and smiling widely.

"He seems nice."

"Well he doesn't smell nice! Take a whiff!"

Carsonlitov lowered his head to Icky's diaper and sniffed Icky's diaper a few times before veering his head backwards and groaning.

"I made a stinky!!" said Icky, proudly.

"Clearly! Why 'aven't you changed the lil guy yet?"

"I can't get him to stop; he's still pooping in his diaper!"

Carsonlitov cocked an eyebrow and looked at the diaper, realizing it was slowly growing in size. He then saw Icky grunt with his eyes closed and heard a long trail of squishy flatulence, causing Gorvl and Carsonlitov to groan even more.

"Your family's disgustin'."

* * *

Meanwhile, Massic was standing idly with a group of the female plasma dragons, attempting to have a decent conversation. Suddenly, Dafnel came in and approached Massic from behind and began small talk.

"I don't believe we've met in person. What's your name again?" asked the energy dragon with a red-stripped snout.

"Massic. I'm married to your brother?"

"I thought Adilon was single?"

"The not-so-sexy brother."

"Crafmar?"

"The not-so-sexy brother with smelly paws."

"Xelko?"

"The not-so-sexy brother with smelly paws who passes gas in his sleep."

Dafnel scratched his head and pondered for a moment, trying to think of Zaporaton's name.

"Um, are you talking about the one with the foot fetish?"

"No! My husband not that disgusting!"

"…Zaporaton?"

"Yes! That guy! We even have a son; have you met him yet? His name's Gorvl."

"Yeah. I spoke to him a couple of times."

"So how come I've never seen you here before?"

"Because everyone thinks your husband is a dimwit for marrying you and are ashamed that he's wasting away his life getting…intimate with you. They also think your son's a bag of shame and letdowns." said Dafnel, abruptly.

"…Really?" said Massic agitated.

Massic turned around and begun to walk away when Dafnel cocked his head sideways and started staring at her rump. Dafnel raised his eyebrow and walked back over Massic so he could find an opportunity to "interact" with her without his brother finding out.

"Uh, but maybe we could change that. You see, I myself aren't married and perhaps we could…you know…"

Dafnel started stroking one of his claws down Massic's chest, caressing her right breast in the process.

"What the hell are you doing?"

* * *

"Dude, this reunion sucks! No one's doing anything but talking! Don't you have any special events or dances or lightning-breathing matches?" said Caludart.

"NO! And yet, my parents still drag me down here!"

Caludart stopped talking when Icky laughed hysterically, stretched out his legs, and dropped another load of dung in his diapers. Then he sighed heavily and passed some more gas.

"…Who's this guy?"

"My stinky cousin Icky." said Gorvl.

"HI!!" said Icky, waving to Caludart in the same fashion.

"Right, aside from this guy, no one is entertaining themselves! I'd even settle for a farting contest with Gram-slyt and Brihart right about now!" moaned Caludart.

"OOH! Farting?! Where? I love to fart!!" said Blicky.

"Please don't give us a demonstration!!" pleaded Gorvl.

"Wait a second Gorvl; he's got a point! I've been speaking to some of your relatives and some of them actually don't mind breaking wind every once in a while."

"So?"

"So why don't we get your cousins, Brihart, and Gram-slyt to start a farting contest and light their farts on fire? It could be like a fireworks show!! Only…smellier."

"Hmm…I suppose we could view while we're airborne so we don't catch wind of the stench. Sure, why not? At least it'll last until dinner time so we could have a little warm-up and then do something else after we eat."

"YEAAAHH!! I get to pass gas without getting in trouble!" shouted Icky, releasing more poo.

"Christ, the little bugger's still goin'?! Do you know how big your diaper is?! How long have you been pooping?" asked Caludart.

Icky shrugged. "'Bout a half hour."

* * *

"You're hitting on me and I'm married. What the hell is wrong with you?!" asked Massic.

"Oh, come on! We all know the marriage between you and my brother's gonna crash and burn so why don't you waltz away with me? We could have seeeexxx…" he said, lustily.

Massic smacks Dafnel's hand away and backs away from him, extremely appalled.

"I wouldn't make love to you if you were the last dragon in Lore! That fact that you are even connected to my spouse's bloodline makes me sick to my stomach!"

"Fine. You wanna play it the hard way? Let's play! I'm gonna make your life a living hell! …Starting now!"

Dafnel began to walk away with his butt aimed towards her and farted on purpose, making sure he wafted the smell her way.

"Hey, do you any of you girls smell a rotten egg?" asked a female plasma dragon.

All the girls gasped and started pointing their claws to Massic.

"You farted!"

"No! It was--"

"That is so unlady like Massic! How could someone call you classy if you break wind like a horse?!" asked Dafnel.

"You son of a bitch! I DIDN'T--!"

Dafnel farted even louder a second time and snickered under his breath.

"Massic, you cow!!"

"Let's get out of here girls. Apparently, someone was raised in a barn and never learned her manners." said Passak.

All the dragons stretched their wings and flew far away from Massic, leaving her to wallow in Dafnel's own farts.

"Shoulda just took my offer, eh?" said Dafnel smiling.

* * *

"So tell me Gorvl, why are we wearing these bags over our mouths?" asked Caludart, with a muffled voice.

"You've never changed my cousins' diapers before, so you wouldn't know."

"Wouldn't know what?"

While Icky was lying on his back giggling to himself, Gorvl warily unfastened the diaper and let it fall to the ground, overflowing with various colored excrement. Caludart, morally disgusted by the sight, vomited all over the ground. Or he would've, if the brown bag wasn't hanging over his mouth.

"I warned you." said Gorvl.

"How's a six year old dragon--"

"No one really knows anymore. We just along with it."

Caludart groaned before he started to grab the gigantic diaper and wrapped the poop inside of it, making sure none of it made contact with his hands.

"What do we do with it now?"

Gorvl took off his mask and zapped the stinky diaper with his lightning breath, watching as the pile of dung quickly incinerated into nothing but foul air. Gorvl found another diaper and carefully put it on over Icky's posterior and tail, much to his protest.

"Try not to poop in this diaper so much okay?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"…No."

* * *

Meanwhile, Zaporaton was busy greeting many of his relatives, mostly his brothers. After talking to Xelko and couple of his cousins, he found his brother Shlak, sitting on the ground inhaling his feet. He was the one Dafnel was talking about earlier, with the foot fetish.

"SHLAK!"

"ZAPORATON!"

Both energy dragons flew towards each other and gave the other a bear hug.

"How's it going Shlak? It's been a while since I've seen you and your children!"

"Yes, the Triplets are growing more and more everyday. I just can't wait until they turn out like their father!"

"What, scavenging the worlds to find the rankest paws he's ever smelled?" joked Zaporaton.

"HA HA! Of course not man! Mind you, they're not exactly…customary, but that doesn't mean they'll wind up inhaling funky feet for the rest of their life! Besides, who doesn't like the amazing fragrance of smelly paws?"

"My wife."

Both dragons laughed energetically while throwing their heads back and sat on the ground, stretching out their legs and wiggling their toes.

"So uh, you don't mind if I um…you know…"

Zaporaton sighed and rolled his eyes.

"Just don't lick 'em."

Shlak shouted with joy and jumped over to Zaporaton's stinky feet. He then stuck his nostrils on his toes and started sniffing them like a dog, erratically stroking his face up and down to get a full whiff of the odor.

"And people wonder how your sons are related to you." Zaporaton chuckled.

* * *

It was now late in the afternoon and all the dragons were eating the family meal. There were all sorts of exotic meats, veggies and fruits and some of the food had been imported by Paxia clan members. It was the biggest smorgasbord they've ever seen since last year's family reunion. And Gram-slyt, Brihart, Caludart, and The Tiresome Terrible Triplets were secluded in a circular field of trees, untouched by the dragons. They were about to put on a show for them and Gorvl.

"So, is everybody ready?!" asked Caludart.

Gram-slyt responded by turning around and passing gas in his face.

"I take it that's a yes." said Caludart, coughing.

And so, all the characters turned around with their butts aimed at the crowd and bent over, making sure they'd get a full dosage of the aroma. Gram-slyt started first, farting in a sputtered tone before sighing and passing some more gas. Then The Tiresome Terrible Triplets all farted in unison, laughing at the amusing noise before they stretched their necks around and sniffed their farts. Lastly, Brihart broke wind that was so hot and spicy that Caludart and Gram-slyt started to cough. Caludart farted silently at first, but then his farts sounded like an animal bellowing and some of the dragons eating thought Lionidas was fighting with a band of titans. Overall, the whole place was starting to stink.

"Now let's dish out the fireworks! Brihart?"

Brihart walked over to Gram-slyt while he had his butt pointed into the air and blew in the path of his noisome gas. The gas ignited and the fire shot up into the air diagonally, creating a long stream of fire that stretched into the sky.

"OOOOOHHHH!!!" said the crowd of energy dragons.

Carsonlitov was sitting next to Gorvl eating along with him when he sniffed the air twice and made a confused grunt.

"What's wit the funk in the air? It smells like burnt toast an' my nephew when he's takin' a shite."

"10 to 1 it's Brihart and his farting coalition. They're planning on making farty fireworks."

"AWW!! Why wasn't I invited?!"

"Just watch the fireworks!" commanded Gorvl.

Then The Tiresome Terrible Triplets pointed their butts in the air and blew a huge fart while Brihart blew his hot, stinky breath over the gas. It created a giant cloud of fire with three stems forming at the bottom and combined into one huge cloud of gas and fire.

"AAAAAAAHHHH!!!" said the crowd.

Now it was Brihart's turn to impress the crowd. Being the only dragon who could blast fire breath, he had to find a way to fart and blow his breath at the same time. So he curled his serpent body like a shrimp and balanced himself by his back. With his butt pointed in the air and mere inches away from his head, he begun to break wind. After farting for a minute or two, he blew his dragon breath in the path of the gas, which flew right across his head and into the air. Only his trail of fiery gas exploded in various shades of orange, red and even blue. But hey, being a flame dragon would give you scorching gas.

"CCCOOOOOOOLLLL!!!" said the crowd.

"All right, I think that's enough of a performance for now. Let's go eat guys! …Where's Caludart?"

Everyone turned around and saw Caludart running around with his butt on fire. Apparently, when he farted, the gas shot backwards and ignited his derriere, roasting him like a chestnut.

"COULD SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME?!"

"After we're finished laughing!"

* * *

Eventually, Brihart and his friend's extinguished Caludart's butt (which was now steamy and black) and were sitting down with Gorvl and his family eating the smorgasbord. It was practically in the evening now and the food was quickly depleting, so now everyone was merely talking amongst another, making casual jokes here and there. And yet, no one even noticed or cared that a flame dragon and a titan ogre were sitting at the table.

Right now, Carsonlitov was sitting next to Gorvl's grandfather, having awkward conversations. About half of which were about his social and relationship status.

"So…you found yourself a decent mate yet Sir Erzon?"

"Not exactly. But I have--"

"Ah, yes…I remember those days. First time I met my wife was definitely an unforgettable moment. It was in um…1597…or was it 1684…? I dunno. Anyways, I was blowing my electric breath all over the place with my friends…and then I saw her. She was amazing and so beautiful, and sparkly. As I walked up to her, she shot her breath at me. And--I'm still baffled even today; I don't see how it happened--she hit me in my sac."

Carsonlitov's eyes grew wide. "Your-your um…your sac???"

"That's right Erzon….right in the round tables! And it was so…thrilling I just didn't know what to do!"

"…So you met your wife after the bird zapped you…in your sac…"

"Yep!" said Gorvl's grandfather with pride.

"Stop drinking so much rum! Are you trying to pee all over yourself again?" asked Caludart.

Gram-slyt put down an empty keg of rum and belched loudly, wiping the alcohol off his mouth.

"I-I drink-HIC!-what I wanna drink! You not boss of Gram-slyt! _I_ boss of Gram-slyt!!" said the stout ogre, swaying to and fro.

"So how's it feel to be a failure Gorvl?" asked Dafnel.

"Shut up Dafnel…" growled Gorvl.

"Or what? You gonna cry like a whittle baby again?"

Gorvl snarled and stomped his foot into the ground, picking away at the dirt. Knowing that his job had been finished, Dafnel laughed and flew to another section of the crowd. Gorvl, feeling unsatisfied with what happened to him, grabbed his slushy he was drinking and placed his butt right above the glass.

"Hope you like your slushy bitch!"

Then Gorvl laid a few dragon droppings into the drink (which just happened to be chocolate flavored) and laughed, realizing that his uncle was gonna swallow his poop as he drank his slushy.

"So you're sayin' that in order for me to get a girl…I need a mate to blow their breath on my testes?" asked Carsonlitov.

"Yeah, that about sums it up Sir Erzon!"

"You are aware that I am an earth dragon?"

"Yes…"

"So you know that all earth dragons blow hard earth breath from their mouths."

"That's correct."

"You must also realize that we earth dragons tend to exhale rocks 'n' stones out our mouths too, right?"

"Uh-huh!"

"…So basically, you want a female earth dragon to stone my balls."

"Yeah, that sounds right. Have fun!"

Elsewhere, Dafnel was sitting across from Massic and Zaporaton who was still trying to flirt with Zaporaton's wife.

"You gonna try to squeeze my breasts again? Or hey, maybe you'll fart behind me and accuse me of being the culprit?" asked Massic.

Dafnel chuckled. "I have no idea what you're talking about. Perhaps--"

"Here's your drink Uncle Dafnel." said Gorvl, sliding the beverage to his uncle.

Dafnel stared at the drink for three seconds before he switched it with Zaporaton's without him knowing about it. Zaporaton took a sip of his drink and immediately spat it out of his mouth, rolling his tongue around his mouth.

"Why do I taste my son's ass?"

"Maybe that's just the taste of failure."

"…What?"

"You ever thought that perhaps your wife wouldn't get so much bantering if she were married with a more 'manly' dragon such as myself?"

"What does that mean?"

"I'm just sayin' that maybe everyone would respect your son and wife more if she were married to me."

Zaporaton growled gutturally and walked up to his sociopathic brother.

"First of all, you don't get--"

"Stand--HIC!--stand aside Gorvl father. I-I-I…take care of things." said Gram-slyt.

Gram-slyt shoved Zaporaton aside and looked at Dafnel.

"You think you--you is so special and cooool just--HIC!--just cause you a pimp-ass dragon…or some chick magnet?"

"You aware that your breath reeks of rum and other foul odors?"

"I know--HIC!--I know the things that smell…and what color the clouds are."

"Dude what the fuck are you talking about? Who let the ogre into the party?!" wondered Shlak.

Gram-slyt laughed with a slurred voice and stepped onto the dinner table.

"Everyone thinks--HIC!--that dis…dis dragon is a man, but Gram--URP!--Gram-slyt thinks different. Me thinks dis dragon is--URP!--BULL POCKEY!!"

"Get your foot out of the mashed potatoes!" yelled Xelko.

"I show you what--HIC!--what a real man--HIC!--look like!"

Gram-slyt suddenly ripped off his loin cloth and put his fist on his hips, standing like a valiant superhero. All of the dragons gasped and/or screamed when they saw his exposed naked body. As if his bare ass wasn't enough, now they had to look at his genitals and penis.

"Oh God…" said Gorvl, embarrassed.

"OOH! Blue hotdog!" yelled The Triplets in unison.

"DON'T YOU DARE!!!" yelled Shlak.

"…Huh…" muttered Caludart.

"What?" asked Brihart.

"You said it was bigger than that."

* * *

With nothing left to do, Gorvl and his gang were in the secluded circular forest yet again prepping for their final trick…which required the skills of all of them.

"I can't believe everyone saw me naked…" said Gram-slyt, feeling major discomfiture.

"That's why I never invite you to my parties! Half the time you either get drunk and naked, get drunk and start hitting people, or get drunk and unknowingly poop on everything you can find!"

Gorvl sighed heavily.

"You alright Gorvl?"

"Not really. Everyone's been giving me and my family shit ever since we got here. Why do my relatives hate my family so much? And what if Dafnel's right and my mother would get more respect if she were married to that douchebag?"

"You're gonna listen to some pompous asshole over us and your parents? You know he's just saying that so you get all depressed like you are right now and you know that your family loves you very much. Well, your mom not so much but they love you." said Brihart.

"…That makes me feel a little better."

"Don't worry! After this you're gonna feel fantastic!" said Caludart.

Caludart finished filling up a large balloon shaped like Dafnel and bit off the string strapping it to the ground. Everyone smiled as the balloon slowly hovered into the crowd of dragons.

"What was in that balloon anyways?" asked Carsonlitov.

"You'll see." Said Gorvl, smiling.

Gorvl chucked a spiky tree limb at the balloon and smiled even more when the balloon popped and all the contents splattered on the dragons, making them scream in disgust and shout incoherently.

"Should we run now?"

"That'd be smart."

* * *

With the reunion now over, Zaporaton and Massic were flying back to their home with their son…buried in dung.

"I cannot believe you did that Gorvl!" said Massic.

"WHAT!! I finally did something to make you feel better! Why are you yelling at me?!"

"They didn't deserve that Gorvl."

"They treated you like shit so I gave them shit!"

"Why we were still in the crowd I may point out!!" complained Zaporaton.

"…Oh, whoops."

"Nice prank though son."

"Yeah, it was cool." laughed Gorvl.

"Just be sure you say you're sorry the next time we see them. Even though I hate just about everyone in your father's family and have to admit that seeing everyone covered in crap made me happy, it still wasn't right."

"Okay Mom."

"Hey now that you feel better, can we have sex tonight?" asked Zaporaton.

"That depends. Are you gonna pass gas while we make love?"

"Yes."

"Then no."


	10. Cats vs Dragons

_Cats vs. Dragons_

**A/N: Look closely and you'll see a short cameo of a character from my other AQ story, Loyal to the End.**

A large and bulky yellow alpha werewolf was groaning and holding his head. He had just woke up in the middle of nowhere, having a vague memory of what just happened to him. He stood up slowly and looked up and down, noticing the ceiling was made of metal and the floor was made of dirt. Then he looked straight ahead and saw seven vertical bars blocking his path to freedom. It suddenly came clear that the alpha werewolf was in some type of jail cell. The werewolf walked up to the bars and looked at them, trying to find a weak point. He unsuccessfully started grabbing the bars, trying to pull them away from their restraints, but it was hopeless. With no other option, the werewolf began to gnaw on the bars with his teeth, desperate to try and escape from his prison cell. Suddenly, the werewolf heard loud chuckling from down the corridor of the building he was in and the captors came into view. It was a couple of Gatta soldiers, all of whom had dark blue skin.

"So how's our stinky little dog doing? You haven't gone insane have you?"

Possessed with lycanthropy and canine instincts, the werewolf started snarling and growling at the cat species, lashing his claws through the bar in order to kill the soldiers. But the soldiers made sure they stood far away from him to avoid taking damage. All the Gattas laughed at the werewolf's stupidity, showing no self-control for himself.

"Where am I? Where the hell am I? What is this?" asked the werewolf.

"Just a little kidnapping, that's all. You see, we know that you serve as a key player in the Were-King's army, so we're capturing you and forcing him to pay us a random. I'm sure a hefty sum of 20,000 Z-Tokens shall suffice."

The alpha werewolf growled gutturally and examined the Gattas. Their clothing was more advanced and they looked more…professional. Then two things came into his mind: They were renegades or freelancers aligned for themselves.

"King Daraian didn't order you to do this, did he? You guys are working behind his back, aren't you?!"

A Gatta soldier chuckled. "So we like to earn a little money on the side."

"You fools! The Were-King will have vengeance for this! Do not think that he won't bat an eye to retaliate against your species or your king!!"

The leader of the Gattas plugged his nose and started waving his other hand in front of his face.

"Please, try not to open your mouth so much. Your breath smells like a PainDeer's posterior."

"Hmph! There's not much point in trying to insult a Lycan who was appointed to gross out Elder Vampires with Osmophobia."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"Vampires hate stinkiness, and as you can see…"

The werewolf deeply inhaled his underarms and sighed contently.

"I have very little hygiene. So you can say my breath stinks, and my feet smell like cheese, and my fur reeks of a mummy's decaying ass; it's not gonna bother me."

"He's right Koren. A bunch of these Lycans practically bathe in their own B.O." said one of Koren's subordinates.

"Like I said earlier, you should let me go. Or else a whole bunch of malodorous werewolves like myself are gonna be picking their teeth clean with your bones."

"You don't order me around Daxxil. See, I know about your little weakness too. You ever hear of Ablutophobia?"

"Yeah, so?"

"MacGillen! Go get the tub ready!" yelled Koren.

Daxxil gulped loudly.

* * *

It had been a couple of days since Gorvl's family reunion and at least a week since Daxin-Backbreath's humiliating defeat at the claws of Bluic. He hadn't taken his defeat lightly and was currently contemplating on what he should do to get revenge. Right now, Daxin-Backbreath was sitting alongside some of his friends like Swelshere and Ulek, as well as a couple of other bystanders. Swelshere was a green WereDragon whilst Ulek was coated with white fur. Swelshere had a bowel disorder--probably IBS--so he frequently had to excuse himself from public areas to defecate behind a large tree or pass gas. Ulek had halitosis and was growing a nasty case of mold on his soles so his feet weren't exactly sweet-smelling. And both of them absolutely loved to torment people in the most inhumane and disgusting ways possible. Then again, Brihart had halitosis and passed gas too and Gorvl's father had horrible foot odor, and their family and friends put up with it.

"Ugh…what are you eating Daxin? It smells horrible!" asked Swelshere.

Daxin leaned forward and inhaled his hot meal: Dead piranhas seasoned with rotten saber deer brains and mustard. And Daxin also ordered the dish that was extra-spicy so someone added a large sum of curry created with the bowels of a HelZard. It tasted like chewy spicy tuna, but the smell of all those dead animals and the mustard was not invigorating to Swelshere.

"I call it Spicy Seafood Complexion!" said Daxin.

"Well whatever it is, it stinks!" said Ulek, also covering his nose.

Daxin-Backbreath dug his whole snout into the spicy dish and started ravaging the meal with his teeth, noisily smacking and chewing.

"What about you guys? Your meals don't smell so riveting either!"

"I'm eating a Zard Smorgasbord! What could possibly be wrong with eating Zards?" asked Swelshere.

"I don't know about you, but that zombie zard might be a little too…zombie-ish, if you catch my drift."

"Oh, please! You just don't know good taste when you see it. You are the dragon who sleeps in his own dung."

"So? You got problem with my body odor Swelshere? Got somethin' you wanna get off your chest?" asked Daxin, slowly approaching his friend.

"Yeah. You could really use a bath!"

"Really?"

"Really."

Daxin-Backbreath jumped on top of Swelshere backwards and pinned him to the ground, making sure his tail was positioned right on top of his head.

"What the hell are you doing?! Get your smelly grimy toes offa me!"

Daxin-Backbreath sighed and lifted his tail, before he began to pass gas on top of Swelshere's head. Swelshere tried to escape, but Daxin was way too heavy for him to do anything, so all he could do was lay there and accept his fate.

"Still think I need that bath?"

"Yes!"

"All right then."

Daxin farted on Swelshere so hard that a little "extra" came out. Swelshere screamed with horror when he felt the brown excrement plop on his scalp and slowly flow the side of his cheek, steamy and stinky.

"Whoops!! Guess I shot one out too hard eh?!" laughed Daxin-Backbreath.

"HA HA!! You got pooped on by a dragon!" laughed Ulek.

Swelshere growled gutturally and grabbed the chunk of poop off his face, chucking it into Ulek's mouth. Ulek stopped laughing and began to choke, making Daxin-Backbreath laugh even harder.

"Now I see why your breath stinks so badly! You keep pissing dragons off and make them throw crap in your mouth!"

* * *

"So what's our plan for today boss?" asked Ulek.

"Well today, we're gonna find that wind dragon Bluic and earn some good ole fashioned payback!"

"I don't understand. Why are you so pissed off at that guy?"

"He threw me in a pit full of dragon poop and had a bunch of other dragons crap all over my head. I had to sleep in that pit you know!"

"So? You sleep in your own shit everyday."

"Keyword: _MY._ I sleep in _my _own shit everyday. You can find some horrific shit when you sift through another dragon's pile of crap man!"

"I didn't know someone as disgusting as you had his limits Daxin!" laughed Swelshere.

Swelshere groaned and clutched his stomach, letting loose a couple blasts of flatulence that were so strong they blew a bush out of its roots.

"Nice one. You should really have something done with your colon Swelshere!" said Ulek.

"And maybe you should do something about that breath!"

"Shut up! All of our attributes--my stinkiness--your breath--Swelshere's farts and poop--it's all for a good cause! We get to use it on that wind shifting dragon Bluic!"

"I hope this Bluic character likes the smell of my posterior!"

"No…no he does not! Let's go dragons!"

Just as Daxin-Backbreath and his two cronies were about to launch off, another fellow WereDragon shouted out his name and he stumbled, falling flat on his stomach.

"WHAT?! I told you not to bother me when I'm on my quests of vengeance!!"

"Sorry Daxin-Backbreath, but I think this is something you should be aware of. A couple dragons from my squad found some Gatta renegades kidnap an alpha werewolf."

"So?"

"It was Daxxil."

"Isn't Daxxil your owner?" asked Ulek.

"Yeah, he raised me ever since I was a tiny WereDragon…do you know where he is? We've got to find him!"

"Yeah, we do. There's a cave that actually isn't even that far away from Frostvale; we think they're hiding there."

"Shouldn't we just wait for the Were-King to send his Lycans there and rescue him?" asked Swelshere.

"Uh, no. I hear those Gattas are planning on giving Daxxil a bath. You know what that means, right?" asked the WereDragon.

"No." said Daxin.

"The last time he got a bath, he freaked out so much that he went insane and started killing any form of creature that had a pulse. I tell you, stuff like that haunted the Were-King for life."

"What'd he do that was so horrible?"

"For one, he almost committed cannibalism and slaughtered twenty of his own WereDragons. Remember what happened to his last pet WereDragon?"

"The one who had his innards sucked out or the one who had his skull ripped out?"

The second Daxin-Backbreath heard that little comment, he immediately shot himself into the air, frantically looking for his pet owner. The last thing he wanted was to have his viscera sucked out by one of his best friends, so he suggested that they should find Daxxil ASAP!

"Come on! There's no time to waste!!" said Daxin in a panicked state.

"Wow that dragon sure can fly fast…"

* * *

Daxin, Swelshere, Ulek, and the brown WereDragon who informed them of the news, Cresh, were standing outside of the hidden cave in Frostvale. It was time to begin the assault.

"All right, I've come up with a plan. I'm gonna sneak up behind the commander of these Gattas and whack him with my tail. Then--"

"Swelshere turn around and press your butt against the cave." said Daxin, interrupting Cresh.

"Wha--but I have a grand master plan that will--"

"Now relax your bowels." said Daxin, lifting Swelshere's tail up.

Swelshere sighed and wiggled his butt on the cave walls. Then the next thing everyone knew, Swelshere was blasting massive wet farts into the cave, not having a care in the world if any of his friends got wind of it.

"How is this any better than my plans?!" whined Cresh.

"Clearly you haven't got a whiff of Swelshere's malodorous flatulence." said Ulek.

The dragons stood there for another minute or two until they heard loud groaning and thuds from within the cave and realized that many of Gattas were unconscious. Daxin's plan was working so far. Now all he had to do was find Daxxil.

"You guys might want to hold your noses. No telling how strong Swelshere's back blast can be." said Daxin, proceeding into the cave.

"Shut up! My farts don't stink that bad!" retorted Swelshere.

Suddenly, a Gatta ran out of the cave with a green face and wound up vomiting all over the snow, before passing out into his own throw up.

"Uh-huh. Sure it doesn't."

The dragons held their breath and crawled inside the cave, amazed that the place was littered with unconscious and nauseated cat creatures. And it was all thanks to Swelshere and his brilliant gas!

"See? Your IBS _is_ useful for something!" said Ulek, smiling widely.

"We get it! My gas smells horrible! Why the fuck do you dragons keep bragging about it?!"

"Cause it's fun." chuckled Daxin.

The dragons heard loud breathing and a few groans from another corridor and crawled through a narrow tunnel, arriving to the jail cell of the cave and finding Daxxil standing over Koren, who was coughing violently due to Swelshere's noxious gas. Judging by the bar of soap next to Koren, they were mere seconds away from scrubbing Daxxil clean.

"Daxxil sure looks freaked out…" said Cresh.

Daxxil looked up and saw his pet dragon Daxin-Backbreath standing in front of him, smiling.

"You guys got here just in time. A minute later and I would've been…clean." said Daxxil, twitching as he muttered the word "clean".

"So what do you think we should do with this little feline here?" asked Daxin.

"I say we eat him." said Daxxil, with a deranged smile on his face.

"No, no, no. I say we send him to the Were-King. I bet our leader could use a Gatta slave to massage his feet everyday." suggested Cresh.

"Better yet, we send his body back to King Daraian and see what he has to say about his betrayal." said Ulek.

Daxin chuckled evilly and scratched his head, getting one of the brightest and grossest ideas ever. Perhaps he'd get his revenge after all.

"I got an idea…"

* * *

Koren was strapped to the floor while Daxxil and his WereDragons were staring and laughing at him, ready to torture him.

"King Daraian will have your heads for this!!!" shouted Koren.

"I sincerely doubt that. Let's get started!" said Daxxil.

"What-what are you guys gonna do to me??"

"Since you tried to give me a bath, how's about we give you a bath too?"

"With what?"

Daxxil and Ulek instantly loomed over Koren's face and belched loudly right at him, expelling their horrible breath into his nostrils. Then Daxin came in and licked Koren from chin to forehead, leaving a large glob of saliva on his head. The WereDragons and the alpha werewolf laughed boastfully while Koren tried shaking the slobber off of him.

"God, your breath stinks!"

"And that's just the start of your bath! Ulek, why don't you wash his face?" asked Daxin.

"With pleasure boss!"

Ulek lifted one of his feet and pressed down onto Koren's face, laughing as he did so. He began to swirl his foot around and wiggle his toes, making sure Koren got a nice whiff of his foul foot odor.

"How's that smell Gatta?"

Ulek lifted his foot and Koren was violently coughing, with a few green smears on his face. Some of the mold on his foot was wiped onto his face.

"It smells awful!! What, did you step in rotten mushrooms before you got here?!"

"I don't know. Why don't you take another whiff and find out?"

Koren screamed as Ulek pressed his foot down on his face once more, rubbing it against his nose and forehead. After a solid 30 seconds of rubbing, Ulek took his foot back off.

"My turn!" shouted Cresh and Daxin in unison.

The two WereDragons turned themselves around, aiming their butts at Koren while laughing under their breath.

"No, not that! Anything but that!!"

Daxin and Cresh sat down on Koren; Cresh sat down on his legs and Daxin sat down on his face. It was pretty obvious with what they were about to do next. Cresh released a low strain of tiny farts while Daxin lifted his leg and farted right on the Gatta's head, practically clogging his respiratory system. Everyone was laughing their asses off, falling to the floor to giggle and hoot with joy while Cresh and Daxin relaxed themselves and continued to pass gas.

"Hey Daxin! Check this out!"

Cresh stood on all fours and lifted his tail, farting so hard on the Gatta that all of his clothes and armor were blown off. Koren shrieked when he felt a warm breeze in his nether region and released he was naked.

"That's nothing! Watch this!"

Daxin got on all fours as well and propped his hindquarters right over Koren's mouth. He then grunted as his anal sphincter expanded and farted so hard that poop shot out, covering the Gatta soldier's head. All he could do was scream and thrash around while the WereDragons and Daxxil were laughing. They were laughing so hard that Ulek started crying…and Daxxil peed all over the ground. After recovering from their raucous laughs, Daxxil walked over to Koren and un-tied his restraints.

"Now you listen to me. You're gonna walk outta here, gather up your troops, and run away as far as you can. I don't wanna see you anywhere near Darkovia or else I'm gonna see if the Were-King likes the taste of Gattan liver. You understand me?"

Koren whimpered and said, "Yeah…yeah I get it."

"Good. Swelshere?"

"I'm on it."

Swelshere turned around and swatted Koren with his tail, launching him out of the cave. …At least that's what he thought. Turns out, Swelshere whacked Koren in the opposite direction and he landed in Daxin-Backbreath's anus, with nothing showing but his legs and tail.

"Oops."

Koren was screaming and thrashing around, trying to get out of Daxin's stinky posterior while Daxin was shouting and grunting with pain.

"GET HIM OUT! GET HIM OUT!!"

"Why?"

"He's clawing at my sphincter! Do you have any idea how painful it feels to have a cat tear away the inside of your bowels?!!?"

"I'm not touching your butt!" said Cresh, Ulek and Swelshere in unison.

"Just fart him out!" yelled Daxxil.

"Hey! Good idea!"

Daxin grunted and started to break wind. Koren was slowly coming out of his butthole, but there still wasn't enough pressure to get him out completely. So Daxin started to poop him out, but the poop squirted around Koren's body and shot everywhere in the cave.

"Daxin what the hell?!!?" shouted Daxxil, shielding his face.

Daxin grunted three more times and Koren slowly fell out with a loud, disgusting plop. He was buried in dragon excrement and yet, he was still alive, and barely breathing. Daxin sighed with relief and collapsed to the ground, exhausted.

"I think today's been eventful enough. Let's go back to Darkovia." said Swelshere.

"Hey Daxxil! I learned something today!"

"What's that Daxin?"

"All Gattas smell like failure!"

Ulek walked over to Koren and sniffed his body.

"Really? Smells like dragon dung to me."

"Ulek, shut up. You've just ruined the joke."

All the dragons and Daxxil walked away, leaving Ulek to stand by himself in a confused state.

"What? What'd I say? Guys? HELLO!!! …Can somebody answer me?"


	11. A Scaley Bond

_A Scaley Bond_

Today, two individuals were busy soaring through the skies of Battleon yet again, ready to do what they did best. The creature that was flapping his wings through the clouds was a heavily enforced ice dragon who went by the name of Klokvel. He was a valiant warrior of his colony and great friends with his partner Snizzel, a Silari warrior with huge muscles and dark brown skin. Both warriors were extremely loyal to their rulers and fiercely friendly and trustworthy of each other. Klokvel had been flying through Battleon when he saw a clan of Drakel warriors and a single Silari warrior getting slaughtered by a fleet of golems of all kinds of elements. The ice dragon, being of kind (well, not kind; he just loved saving other reptiles) nature swooped down to go save all the Drakel comrades. By the end of the battle, only Klokvel and the Silari warrior survived, and he wound up hauling the creature over to his cave so he could nurse him to health. After finding out all the heroic deeds that the dragon did for him, he agreed to scratch his back (literally) for him and protect him whenever necessary. After a few months went by, the reptiles grew on each other and became great friends. And now, it seemed wherever Klokvel went, Snizzel went, and in reverse. They were, as Snizzel said, "Scale brothers" and treated each other like a member of their family. More importantly, they trusted each other.

"Tell me again Snizzel, why am I wearing all of this armor? Is it really necessary?" asked the frozen dragon.

"As far as I'm concerned yes. Remember who we're going against Klokvel."

"The Gattas? Heh, you can't be serious. Their morale has seriously been downed after Koren was shoved up that dragon's butthole a week ago."

"Koren and his little band of soldiers were nothing more than renegades. They were earning their own pile of cash behind King Daraian's back; I wouldn't be surprised if all of them were executed for treason."

"Execution would be a blessing for Koren! Even I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I got my head shoved up a stinky WereDragon's butthole. What was the dragon's name again?"

"Err, Daxin-Backbreath."

Klokvel vomited in his mouth and quickly swallowed the bile before raining the village he was hovering over with yellow, still not fully digested meat and ice. …Yes, ice cream; he ran into two helpless ice cweams outside his cave and he was hungry so…why the hell not?

"God, I don't even wanna imagine…"

"Remember the incident where a clan of orcs was poisoned with powerful liquid laxatives and all of them wound up messing themselves before they even had time to pull down their trousers?"

"Yes, I heard from Bluic about that."

"Picture that, but instead they're all surrounding your head inside a very tight, closed area to the point where you can't even breathe through your mouth without tasting the smell."

"Look I'm a fan of toilet humor,"

"We both are." chuckled the Silari.

"But honestly I want nothing to do with that repugnant flying pile of dung. It's bad enough he surprised me by staying inside my cave two nights ago."

"I bet that was hell for you."

"Not as bad as the time you were wounded in a battle to the point where you were paralyzed and I had to help you use the bathroom so you wouldn't soil yourself."

"Ah, I remember that."

"Yeah, because you soiled yourself intentionally just to annoy me and make me change your trousers." growled the dragon.

The Silari warrior laughed heartily. "Ah, c'mon ice breath! Even you laughed a few times!"

Klokvel chuckled. "Yeah, but you have to admit, you're extremely obnoxious at times."

"And you're not? How many times have you sat on my face while I was sleeping and broke wind on my head?"

"I lost count. Besides I'm sure some of those Gatta soldiers wouldn't mind if I blasted out a couple of loud ones in their faces."

"Well, we'll bite that bullet when the time comes. For now, just get yourself ready."

Klokvel and Snizzel began to fly their way over to the secret Gatta hideout hidden somewhere on the outskirts of Battleon and quietly landed below the canopy of the forest overlooking the hideout. Both of them walked forward and looked past the trees to examine the hideout. Unlike Koren's, it was hidden topside, instead of deep within a subterranean cave. A couple of Gatta soldiers were busy lying on their backs, resting and relaxing. A couple of others were eating large chunks of meat on a bone over a bonfire, and some others were busy sitting on their buttocks tuning their swords and bow and arrows.

"Who are these guys?" whispered Klokvel.

"A small regiment of King Daraian's forces. They must be making a small base here."

"For what?"

"Looks like they're preparing for a late-night invasion. The sun's already setting and Battleon isn't far from here; all they gotta do is run through these trees and subdue the knights while they're sleeping."

"But why Battleon? That place must be well fortified by now."

"Yet somehow, Lycans and vampires and ghouls and the Drakel and dragons and ebil Zorbak creations still manage to penetrate the defenses. Coincidence?"

"Hmm, good point. And now that I think about it, Kabroz sounds like Zorbak backwards."

Snizzel sighed. "You dumbass, you're just now figuring that out?"

"Yes."

Klokvel and Snizzel stared at each other like the other creature was stupid for nearly two minutes, blinking and puffing out their chests as they exhaled and inhaled. Eventually, Snizzel turned his attention back over to the squad of felines and got his weapon ready.

"So how do you wanna do this? And what's the overall plan again?"

"Simple. We quietly subdue and/or capture as many Gattas as we can find and interrogate them so they can tell us where their stockpile of rubies and cheese wheels is."

"Did you just say cheese wheels?"

"Oh, definitely! Nothing better than sharing a nice heaping pile of cheese wheels with my clan!"

"…Okay then…"

Snizzel exited the bushes overlooking the campsite and crouched down, following two Gattas that were busy circling the tents over and over again. The Silari warrior grabbed a large rock and chucked it at a tree to divert the warriors away.

"What was that?"

"Dunno. Another bad bird busy pecking on tree bark?"

"Maybe. Go check it out; it might be an intruder."

"Or maybe another clan of WereDragons."

"Trust me, if that dragon was back here, you would've smelled him before you even saw his wings in the sky. Just check the area."

The Gatta warrior nodded and walked over to a secluded segment of the forest beyond the Silari warrior's eye-view. Once he was gone, Snizzel snuck behind the other warrior and he bonked him on the back of the head, rendering him unconscious. He quickly took out a boomerang with weird, erratic blue and brown lines and squiggles and threw it into the forest. The Silari warrior waited patiently with his right hand up in the air until he heard a faint clunk and groan in the air. Eventually the boomerang came back and he grabbed it in his hand. The warrior turned around and walked inside an open tent, spotting three more Gatta soldiers resting for their battle to come. Snizzel smiled widely and grabbed a long pile of nylon rope before he approached the felines. It didn't take long before the Drakel relative used a third of the rope to tie the cat's hands behind his back, and not long before he went over to the other two and tied them up as well. Snizzel felt something cold underneath his chin and sighed heavily once he felt the blade resting against his throat.

"Let's make this simple: you drop your weapon, you go home with your Adam's apple intact."

"Y'know, that sounds like—"

The feline moved the weapon backwards a little, cutting the scales enough to penetrate the meat. Snizzel sighed heavily and dropped his bladed spear before digging into his pocket and dropping the gun as well.

"Now…the first thing I want you to do is—"

"Render you unconscious and tie you up with all of your comrades?"

Snizzel inhaled sharply as the feline moved the blade across his throat again.

"You gotta stop doing that."

"You're not a regular Drakel soldier, which must mean you're either a hybrid or some sub-species. In other words you have no allegiance to the Drakel council so as far as they're concerned they won't mind if I take you over to King Daraian and we 'interrogate' you."

"You guys don't even care if this starts a war between you and the other Silari clans?"

"No, we don't. Now stay still while—"

The Gatta soldier suddenly grunted and fell flat on his back once a cold, icy tail whacked him on the top of his head. He was knocked out cold (no pun intended) by Snizzel's trustworthy ice dragon Klokvel. The dragon peeked inside the tent and stared at his loyal friend.

"I had it covered."

The frozen dragon snorted, showering the Silari warrior with frosty wind from his nostrils.

"Sure you did. I saw a few more Gattas in the distance so we better get these guys tied up before—"

Before the dragon could finish, he howled once a large metal axe impaled him in the rear.

"WHAT THE HELL!!"

Snizzel picked up his weapons and rushed out the tent, noticing a few more soldiers had arrived, ones who were more alert and full of testosterone. One of them even looked like Lionidas.

"What happened?"

"Someone threw an axe at my ass!"

Snizzel, despite his serious complex, couldn't help but smile widely to himself, stifling his laughs.

"Shut up!! It's not funny!!"

Klokvel swiped his tail along the ground and tripped two of the Gatta soldiers charging towards him. Before he continued to attack he yanked the axe out of his posterior and winced with pain, rubbing his butt. After that, he turned around and kneeled down, biting a soldier and trapping him in his maw. As the Gatta soldier began to scream and slice his sword on the dragon's head (which was protected with thick gray armor) he jerked his head sideways and the soldier screamed as he went flying over to a tent. His torso cracked against the post holding up the tent and he groaned loudly, feeling like a rib in his chest just cracked. Meanwhile, Snizzel started fighting with two other Gatta soldiers with his long spear with a weird kind of plasma blade at the end of it, moving backwards and twirling around in order to elude the felines swinging their axes around. He countered both of them simultaneously by holding his spear into the air and hearing a loud clang once both of them made contact with the metal bar. Snizzel gritted his teeth and began to grunt as he pushed his spear forwards, trying to knock the felines' weapons away. Eventually, he snarled loudly and thrusted his entire body forwards, knocking both of the Gattas back. With their brown bellies showing, Snizzel took the spear and swung it backwards, hitting one of the feline's in his gut and making him bend over and groan loudly, his eyeballs popping out of his head. As Snizzel stabbed the other with the end of the spear, he kicked the one kneeling down in the nose, making it bleed and sending him spiraling to the ground on his back.

Klokvel veered his head back and puffed out his chest before he inhaled and blew out icy cool breath onto the two wounded Gatta soldiers. The one who cracked a rib on the tent post tried to get up from the ground but he suddenly shouted and shivered once he felt his feet become deathly cold. The feline looked down and gasped loudly, noticing that his feet and part of his legs were buried in ice. Klokvel just froze his feet to the ground.

"What the hell?!"

The other Gatta soldier seemed to be paralyzed, unable to move because his feet were stuck to the ground as well. Klokvel looked in the distance and noticed that there were other Gatta soldiers busy trying to attack his partner Snizzel. However, after the bulky cats saw the other teammates with their feet encased in ice, they grew weary. The ice dragon noticed their hesitation and smiled maliciously.

"You guys wanna know how cold ice dragon piss is?"

The felines yelped and quickly retreated back to their lairs, not wanting to have their feet frozen by dragon piss.

* * *

It was now nighttime and Snizzel and Klokvel were busy crowding the captured Gattas, all of whom were tied together and had their feet frozen by the ice dragon's frosty breath.

"What do you wanna do when they wake back up? By now I'm sure these cats have a high tolerance for pain."

"That's the beauty of dragons and all reptiles as a matter of fact. It really doesn't matter how big or small or fat or skinny we are, but somehow we tend to stink a helluva lot worse than some of the creatures in the world."

"That's not entirely true. You ever smell a Lycan who ate way too much garlic?"

"Hmm, good point."

"And does this have to do with why you forced me to eat all those beans earlier?"

"Maybe…" chuckled Snizzel.

The Silari warrior walked over to the biggest Gatta soldier he could find and slapped him in the face twice to wake him up. He snorted a couple of times before shaking his head and looking at the scaley dark-brown creature with white hair.

"Whuh…what happened?"

"Let's make this simple: you're gonna tell us where you're hiding all of your rubies and weapons,"

"And cheese wheels!" added Klokvel.

"…and cheese wheels that you own in your munitions stockpile. If you cooperate then you'll walk away intact. Sound good?"

"Bah! Do your worst you snake-lip mutant! We've been trained to deal with torture from enemy combatants to a limit no man, well, in your case Drakel, have heard of!" said the sergeant in the group of Gattas.

"In other words, we have a high tolerance for pain."

Snizzel sighed and rubbed his head. "I had a feeling you'd say that. Guess that's another reason why I brought my dragon along." he said, gesturing to the ice dragon.

Klokvel chuckled maliciously and turned around, walking backwards so his butt was practically in the Gattas' faces.

"What is this dragon doing pointing his foul derriere in our direction?!" said another Gatta soldier, plugging his nose.

"Over the years there's always been one thing I've learned about the dragons I've come across, and that's that all of them are notorious for having repugnant dragon breath. Drag-O-Lanterns, void dragons, war dragons ReignDragons, DecepDragons, flame dragons, darkness dragons, galanothbane dragons, guardian dragons—acidragons and zombie dragons especially—they all have really bad dragon breath. I've even run into many wyverns with foul breath and they're an avian sub-species."

"Wait, are you saying my breath stinks?" growled Klokvel, feeling offended by the comment.

"That's not the point buddy."

"Yes it is!! I was supposed to be going on a date tonight! How's my date gonna feel if I have bad—"

"ANYWAY," shouted Snizzel loudly.

"If all dragons big and small have foul breath, what do you think that says about their flatulence?"

"It…stinks too?"

"Let me put it this way: I've run into a dragon whose gas literally peeled paint of the wall and it's no secret here that my trusty dragon also has his smelly moments."

"HEY!! Like your bowels smell cleaner than mine!" Klokvel retorted.

"You-you guys wouldn't do that! You can't!!"

"Fine, tell us where your stockpile is and I'll tell my dragon to back off."

"NEVER!! We'll never succumb to your demands Drakel!"

"Eh, that'll just make this funnier. Klokvel?"

Two of the Gattas looked over at the ice dragon's cloacae and grimaced shortly before it expanded a little and they felt cool air blasting from all directions. It felt like being trapped in the middle of a meat locker, except it smelled seven times as bad. Sure, the gas wasn't making them sweat since it wasn't humid, but cold flatulence that reeks like rotten eggs smells just as bad as hot flatulence that reeks like rotten eggs. All of the soldiers began to groan loudly and the ones who didn't have their arms frozen in ice as well were busy plugging their noses.

"AUGH!!"

"That was disgusting!"

"Will someone get me outta this block of ice?!"

Klokvel's stomach bubbled and he moaned and shut his eye before backing up and planting his rear even closer to the soldiers. He let off another strong burst of foul gas, one that sounded like a motorboat or engine sputtering in a desperate attempt to start itself. The smell was a different story; one would exaggerate and say it smelled like rotten fish guts and the lower intestine of a zombie dragon, but then again, maybe they wouldn't be exaggerating. Klokvel was grunting and sighing as the continuous burst of digested air shot out of his anus with nothing to retard it. After he was done, he let out a small poot and wagged his tail, shoving the smell in the Gattas' directions.

"All you gotta do is tell us what we want to hear and all this stench goes away."

The sergeant Gatta coughed violently and waved a hand in front of his nose before he responded. "Never!!! We'll never give in—"

Klokvel responded by leaning over to the side with his leg hiked before he blasted out some more intestinal gas, this one amazingly hotter than the previous blasts of gas. It didn't smell worse than the other flatus that zoomed out of his ass but one of the Gattas seemed to have an allergic reaction to the hydrogen-sulfide, or whatever was present in ice dragon flatus, and passed out. Another Gatta started to turn a bit green in the face, looking like he was on the verge of throwing up. And the gas seemed relentless, going off for longer than fourteen seconds. Even the sergeant himself was beginning to become offended by the smell and was having trouble keeping his nose plugged due to the force of the gas. It didn't take long before the sergeant screamed with disgust and he wound up giving in to the Silari warrior's demand.

"OKAY, OKAY!! Fine I'll tell you where the damn stockpile is; just get your dragon to stop farting on us!"

Snizzel giggled. "Works everytime."

* * *

Snizzel and Klokvel were sitting inside of the ice dragon's cave eating from their cheese wheels and lying back on their stash of rubies and weapons they stole from the Gattas' stockpile.

"This is absolutely scrumptious! What do you call it?"

"I don't know but someone told me it comes from dragon hide."

Klokvel stopped chewing and stared at the cheese wheel. "What?"

"Yup."

"But it's cheese. You-you can't make cheese from flesh!"

"You can if you're Warlic. Knowing that wizard he could transform a scale into a giant emerald tree with just a small flicker of his wand."

"…This is seriously made of dragon hide?"

"I pull that 'Don't ask, don't tell' card."

"Snizzel I'm serious. Is this made of dragon flesh?"

The Silari warrior didn't respond and simply chewed on his wheel of cheese, opening his mouth and biting down to take another bite of the dairy product. Klokvel swallowed hard before dropping the wheel and running outside. Snizzel heard guttural belching and coughing in the distance, following the loud splashing on the ground. Snizzel sighed.

"Are you inducing vomiting?"

Klokvel belched and retched. "Yes."

"Oh. Have fun!"


End file.
